Time Of My Life

This year, more than any other year, has taught me more about life and about death, about friends and about enemies, about successes and failures, the strength of family and about becoming my own person than I ever thought there was to know, especially in the course of twelve glorious, yet tumultuous months. Anybody who knows me, really knows me, knows that 2009 has challenged me again and again, it's tested my faith and showed me that I can do whatever I want to and that anybody who doesn't believe doesn't matter.

Death has been a big part of my life this year. Why do I bring it up first? Because it reared it's ugly head almost as soon as we welcomed in 2009 and has chosen not to leave. I guess that's a part of life, whether I want it to be or not. There's something about losing someone you love that forces you to take a step back and slow down. You learn to appreciate the simpler things in life and not worry about tomorrow, except as a wanna-be journalist the latter is in my blood. I'm learning to say what needs to be said because life is to precious to not live like we're dying.

Everybody has something that they've been avoiding saying to another person for whatever reason, but don't hold back anymore. You'll feel better once you take that step and have that conversation. It could—it will—change your life.

I don't say this often enough but I have an amazing family; an amazing family who's had one hell of a year but you know what? We're (most of us) coming out of it better, stronger people. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, right? I think that too often in life people (everybody) gets caught up in themselves and what they want. It's human nature. But, I've learned that when times get rough my family knows how to pull together, cross boundaries that shouldn't be there and take care of each other, even if one party fights it tooth and nail. I think it's in the job description. As much as I want to kill a few select members most of the time they're family and family never backs down.

I've had to break out of my shell a lot this year; more than I thought I would. There's been days where I would rather take some Benadryl and curl up and bed to sleep this life away than face whatever demon needed to be faced but overall moving to Moscow has been good for me. I've had to meet new people and learn new things whether I wanted to or not.

And I've met and reconnected with some crazy brilliant people who've changed my life in ways that I didn't think possible. They've taught me that a bad day isn't the end of the world. Others have taught me that change isn't easy, it's not supposed to be but that next semester will be better in every way. And still others remind me that I can't do everything but that I can do some things great and to never give up. Finally, one person especially has reminded me that relationships change over time and that even when hurts sometimes but that true friends never leave.

2009 has been one hell of a year, with plenty of challenges and more recently plenty of laughter. I don't know what 2010 has in store for myself or anybody else but I do know this: I plan on having the time of my life.

And no, I didn't make any resolutions because I don't set myself up for failure.

For The Most Part

Christmas is done for the year and it was a pleasure, for the most part. We'll get to the most part soon enough but first I'm reminded of just how lucky (and spoiled) I really am. Yesterday was spent with just my parents and brother and one of my uncles, but it';s nice that way. There's no pressure and no drama, for the most part.

The four of us got up early and opened presents (did I mention that I'm spoiled?) and then had eggs and toast which is more than any of us except maybe my brother eat for breakfast on any given morning. My brother; he has a bottomless pit for a stomach but you wouldn't know it by looking at the kid. Here's my amazing list of gifts because it would be a shame not to share how awesome they are:

—a new stereo system which includes an Ipod dock except I don't have an Ipod. It's very pretty nonetheless and has amazing sound compared to the ghetto one I have now.
—a new zebra striped purse which is again very pretty. Anyone who has seen my ld purse can testify to how badly I needed a new one. Holes make things fall out and get lost.
—Sims 3 World Adventures; okay, the geek is coming out in me now. This game is awesome but I might not be one to talk because the Sims games are the only games I play. Except Wii Bowling. I kick ass at Wii Bowling.
—Plenty and plenty of new clothes but what girl doesn't love new clothes?
—A beautiful new scarf to add to my (small) collection. They've become my new obsession.
—A bath set which smells delicious. Hot bubble baths are always a good thing.

In other news, only one of my uncle's showed up yesterday because my other one is an idiot and succeeded to put my mom in tears and almost give my aunt a heart attack on Christmas. That story is for another time. We decided not to stress over him anymore for the time being and enjoyed a day of good food and family. It was a beautiful day, for the most part.

School starts back up on the 13th and the first Arg of the semester comes out shortly after. I'm ready to go back to Moscow, for the most part. Sitting home much longer may or may not cause me to kill a person or two. Right now, all is calm because the internet is working and I've still got a couple of good books to keep my attention and occupy my time. Some nights make me wish I could poor someone's beverage o choice down the drain or be anywhere but here.

Somehow, after a horrible semester (most of it was mental) I somehow managed to pass all of my classes with three C's, two B's and one A. Don't ask me how because I don't know.

I'm rambling again. Damn it.

One last thing. I'm updating my Itunes library and need new music. Help me, people!

Cuz' Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

I've discovered recently that peace of mind is a beautiful, beautiful thing. I've also learned that too much alone time can cause someone to think too much and thinking too much is never a good thing. I think I've had too much alone time.

On the other hand, I went and had dinner and drinks with some of the most amazing people I know on Tuesday night. It was nice to get out of the house and away from the depths of my own thoughts for a while. There's nothing quite like real, deep laughter and a walk in the rain to soothe a soul. Today brought another adventure with another friend. We'll just say this was to celebrate surviving one hell of a semester. Sometimes I wonder.

I've taken all of my finals and written all of the papers that I need to for the semester, but the anxiety and the worry are still with me. I'm just trying to figure out why. I know that I'll be lucky to pass all of my classes this semester and I really don't deserve to. I've been a better student and it's time that I be a better student again.

My glasses are broken. It's the second time this year. I don't like it so much because while my eyes have adjusted my head hurts. And it all happened just in time for finals week too. I'll get new ones when I go home though.

Speaking of home, I'm going home tomorrow for 23 days. I love home, but not that much. I think I'd love it more if I weren't physically stuck in the house for the majority of the time. I'll live and overcome. There's no problem a good book and hot drink won't solve. I still need to pack and clean and do laundry, my god the laundry. I've also got a coffee date and at least one other person that I need a hug from. They really do make everything better.

I've found myself making up excuses to see him lately. I need to stop it because it's not right. I mean, he's a taken man. Forever. I still feel really awkward when I run into them together, but I shouldn't. I get all shy and quiet and flustered. I guess it's because sometimes...wait, never mind. I'll keep that thought to myself because it's going to do nothing but cause trouble anyway

This was the first year that I had my own money to buy Christmas gifts for other people with. It wasn't much and not many people will get gifts because I'm a college student with little money, but I'm still happy that I get to give other people gifts. That's what this is all about anyway, right?

I've decided that every little thing is going to be alright. I'm going to make it that way.

Two Weeks

Two weeks.

Two weeks until I'll be able to sleep a full 8 hours, much less 4, each night without feeling guilty or anxious about getting everything that needs done finished.

Two weeks until I'll be able to sit and finish a good book and warm drink without having to constantly check the time to make sure that I get where I need to be on time.

Two weeks until I have no more deadlines and no more interviews for three whole weeks.

Two more weeks until I no longer have to fight the snow, ice, wind and bitter cold everyday.

Two more weeks until I'm without the two people I trust most in this world for three weeks.

Two more weeks until I realize that while I desperately need a break I'm going to be mighty lonely for the next three weeks without my amazing friends.

What do your next two weeks look like?