Bloody Hell

So much has happened this past week that I have to write it down because it's beginning to take its toll on me and on others that it shouldn't be. A fair warning though, this isn't going to be pretty. I have a lot of stress, frustration, and anger that's going to come out. So, if you don't want to hear about it, leave now.

First off, why is it that I become so attached to certain people and certain things? I know that nothing lasts forever, yet I can't seem to stop letting my feelings and those god damned emotions get the best of me. I've known for a while now that it wasn't meant to be, yet I still catch him in my dreams ad in my heart. I say that I'll be happy when and if he is, but damn it, it's just not happening that way. I've got to let go if i'm going to be happy again, but I don't thik i'm ready for that, as crazy as it sounds.

On to other things, I love school and my friends but this week was too much. I spent almost $500 on textbooks and I still don't have one that I need and one that my brother needs. I think its a bit ridiculous, to be honest. Do textbooks really need to cost that much?

I spent all week working Bookswap and while it has its benefits I miss my friends. I miss my crazy, wild friends who let me vent, cry, scream and cry some more in the middle of the night and don't say a word. They just listen. They don't judge. Those who listen. Those who make me laugh when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for a week. They've helped me through one of the hardest weeks of my life and they know who the are. The rest of you don't need to worry about it.

Basically, I've been a big ball of emotions all week and it really needs to stop. I don't like crying at the drop of a hat anymore. I need to be happy. I want to be happy. What I've said here is just touching the surface. There's a lot going on that goes much deeper, but I just needed to put some of this down in writing because I don't think I can handle holding it much longer.