Starting Over

It's time to move on...to stop living in the past...there's this whole big future waiting for me...and a now, which I have ignored.

If three years ago--or a year ago for that matter--you had asked me where I would be today I would have told you that I would have had an apartment with friends, a car, and a boyfriend to top it off. I would be working at one of the local papers, hopefully the Spokesman, as an intern and life would be like that of any college sudent. Not perfect, but normal.

A year ago I thought I was on my way to at least achieving part of this dream. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.

Last year, at about this time, I was moving into the NIC dorms and although a little scared I was filled with excitement at the thought of living on my own, or at least with other people besides my family. Things went smoothly at first; I loved my classes (the newspaper especially), newfound freedom and friends, and my roommates weren't to bad themselves. Life couldn't get any better. At least I thought everything was going good.

Here's where my world falls apart!

I had barely been living in the dorms for two weeks when I realized that was all the time I would be spending there. As fate would have it, one of my roommates had a problem with my cleanliness and hygiene, or in this case, lack thereof. I am not a dirty person, and was ashamed to have even been thought of that way, but what can a girl do. Sometimes it's just harder for me to do certain things, so I accomplish those tasks differently. It never occured to me that those ways might not be the right ways to do things when living with three other girls.

In the end, the best solution for everybody was for me to move back home with my parents "to regroup" as one put it. I didn't handle any part of the situation well, but the others involved could have handled it better as well.

To say that I lost self-confidence is an understatement. I lost not only my self-confidence, but my independence and happiness. I have not been comfortable around or able to look certain people in the face for a year, even though they are here to help me, for fear that they would look me in the eye and see how weak I was; how terrified I was of having them see the real me.

Because, you see, I was wearing a mask. A mask that is now ready to come off.

I want my self-confidence back. I want my independence back. I want to be happy again. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm GOING to get my self-confidence and independence back. I'm GOING to be happy again.

I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned that you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for anybody or anything. It's not worth it.

Heart

This little girl had a heart of gold...if you have heart pass this on so that no other child is cheated out of life. How could anybody let this happen?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg

I'm Alive...So They Tell Me

What? Oh, you mean I'm actually supposed to update this thing occasionally. Well, if I would have known that :D

In all reality, Wireless Internet sucks! I'm this close to buying a wireless router for the computer

BUT...I'm too cheap. So all of my fans (the whole two of you) will have to put up with sporaic blog posting from yours truly.

That's all for now, don't cry, I'll be back soon!

(That is, if this damn connection cooperates. Maybe I'll bribe it with chocolate and coffee! It works with me!)