Life is an opportunity, …. benefit from it.
Life is beauty, …. admire it.
Life is bliss, …. taste it.
Life is a dream, …. realize it.
Life is a challenge, …. meet it.
Life is a duty, …. complete it.
Life is a game, …. play it.
Life is a promise, ….fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, …. overcome it.
Life is a song, …. sing it.
Life is a struggle, …. accept it.
Life is a tragedy…. confront it.
Life is an adventure, …. dare it.
Life is luck, …. make it.
Life is too precious, …. do not destroy it.
Life is life, …. fight for it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Because
Because I have nothing to say but lots of thoughts.
Because I am a veryyy tired girl.
Because I can't decide if I need to laugh or cry.
Because I miss my friends, and the boy.
Because I'm in a funk, a cloud if you will, that I can't seem to break away from.
Because I need to run away for a little while.
Because I know thats not going to happen.
Because I love you.
***I'll be back in a day or two***
Because I am a veryyy tired girl.
Because I can't decide if I need to laugh or cry.
Because I miss my friends, and the boy.
Because I'm in a funk, a cloud if you will, that I can't seem to break away from.
Because I need to run away for a little while.
Because I know thats not going to happen.
Because I love you.
***I'll be back in a day or two***
Friday, July 4, 2008
Thoughts On Independence
Today is the day where we as Americans are supposed to celebrate our hard fought freedom and independence. That's what we do, after all. Fight. That's what we are. A nation of fighters. We don't give up on what we believe is right or what we believe belongs to us. It's always been that way though.
In the very beginning we fought to be independent of Great Britain. To become our own country. Later we fought against the Spanish conquistadors for land that we each claimed as our own. And then there were the World Wars where our safety and our position as a great world power were at stake like never before. Vietnam was the first controversial war that the United States fought in. War was being waged on two different fronts; in the lush green jungles of Cambodia and on the riot filled streets of the places we all call home. That brings us current.
Today we are still fighting. Fighting for what is right. Fighting because that's what we do. Fighting, because it needs to be done.
It seems that many people would rather not fight anymore. They instead bash the Bush and all he's done. If only they knew that Clinton could have had Bin Laden captured but chose not too. If only they cared.
How are we supposed to protect ourselves if we don't fight? We wouldn't be able to, much less know how. The troops, heroes they are, know this and have given up their freedoms so that don't have too. We should thank them, but instead we burn our flag. We should pray for them, but instead we curse them. Thousands of young men and women are still dying today so that we can remain the selfish fools we are.
Sometime today, in between barbeques and fireworks we should all take a moment to reflect on why we're celebrating. Because without those selfless young men and women who gave their lives and still continue to do so, we would have no reason to celebrate.
Happy Independence Day!
In the very beginning we fought to be independent of Great Britain. To become our own country. Later we fought against the Spanish conquistadors for land that we each claimed as our own. And then there were the World Wars where our safety and our position as a great world power were at stake like never before. Vietnam was the first controversial war that the United States fought in. War was being waged on two different fronts; in the lush green jungles of Cambodia and on the riot filled streets of the places we all call home. That brings us current.
Today we are still fighting. Fighting for what is right. Fighting because that's what we do. Fighting, because it needs to be done.
It seems that many people would rather not fight anymore. They instead bash the Bush and all he's done. If only they knew that Clinton could have had Bin Laden captured but chose not too. If only they cared.
How are we supposed to protect ourselves if we don't fight? We wouldn't be able to, much less know how. The troops, heroes they are, know this and have given up their freedoms so that don't have too. We should thank them, but instead we burn our flag. We should pray for them, but instead we curse them. Thousands of young men and women are still dying today so that we can remain the selfish fools we are.
Sometime today, in between barbeques and fireworks we should all take a moment to reflect on why we're celebrating. Because without those selfless young men and women who gave their lives and still continue to do so, we would have no reason to celebrate.
Happy Independence Day!
Friday, June 27, 2008
4 Months Of God's Mercy
It was Sept. 17, 2002, and Beverly Ingersoll, office manager at NIC’s Riverbend Professional Technical Academy, was living her worst nightmare. Her husband and best friend of 35 years, Larry Seaton, had just been diagnosed with lung cancer that had already spread in a dangerous manner to his brain.
Ingersoll said she noticed something wasn’t right months earlier in June of 2002 when Larry started forgetting things, such as driving directions and where he would put stuff.
“Never in my wildest dreams was I prepared for how horribly things were about to change in my life,” Beverly Ingersoll wrote in her book “4 Months Of God’s Mercy,” which detailed her and Larry’s last four months together.
Ingersoll became increasingly worried about her husband’s health in Sept. 2002 when his memory loss became so great that he could not remember the address of the company he was supposed to be delivering to for his company. According to Ingersoll, this was a major red flag because her husband was an expert at reading maps and finding addresses. She finally convinced him to see their doctor.
“I never told Larry what to do or demanded things from him, but I felt he desperately needed to see our doctor,” Ingersoll wrote. When he again refused, I was near tears and said that I was extremely concerned and needed him to see the doctor for my own peace of mind.”
She said Larry didn’t react much when doctors told him he had three brain tumors as well as tumors in his lungs. His brain was so swollen that doctors told him if they didn’t get the swelling down right away that he would die in the next 24 hours.
Ingersoll said she rushed Larry to the hospital where their children and families met them. Larry was admitted and started on medicine to reduce the swelling in his brain. While he was resting, Ingersoll had finally received a chance to comprehend how quickly her life had changed now that her husband was fighting for his life.
“My initial reaction, of course, was shock at the news as I knew something was wrong. I just didn't have any idea it would be cancer since he was not in any pain and didn't act like he was sick,” Ingersoll said. “After that had time to sink in, I totally relied on the Lord, since this was too big for me to handle or even comprehend the entire scope of what was happening.”
Two days later, Sept. 19, 2002, Larry was scheduled for brain surgery to remove as much of the tumors as possible. Ingersoll remembers the night before his brain surgery as a particularly miraculous one. She laid there holding Larry as he drifted off to sleep. She said she prayed to God to be merciful and that her husband wouldn’t suffer.
Before long angels were circling the room, at first just a few but then the room filled with them and a sense of peace and weightlessness. Ingersoll said it was at that moment that she knew both Larry and she would be all right.
She said they spent the next four months cherishing every minute they had together. Larry refused further treatment and took everything in good humor.
“Larry and I were able to find peace with his death. We were able to spend the last four months of his life feeling good about our lives, our love, our family and all the blessings we had over the many years together,” Ingersoll said. “We didn't get angry or frustrated or spend time dwelling on the whys and what-ifs. It was a time for us to say our goodbyes and for him to get things finalized so he could go without any unfinished business.”
Ingersoll said those last four months were filled with beauty, love and thanksgiving. Both she and her husband were able to enjoy one another because “The Lord gave them peace of mind.”
But nothing comes without sacrifice.
Ingersoll said there were many nights where she would cry herself to sleep, but she knew God would give her the strength she needed. And he did just that.
“The hardest part of watching my husband and my best friend of 35 years die is that I couldn't do anything to change it. I couldn't stop what's happening to them or to my whole family,” Ingersoll said. “It's an extremely helpless feeling, but at the same time when you allow God to be in control, you know that His will, will be done and that is always better than anything you can do. I knew that Larry was going to heaven. What better than that can ever happen to a person?”
Ingersoll, her children, their spouses and even neighbors helped make Larry as comfortable and happy as they could for as long as possible. Everyone enjoyed spending time with him and made sure he enjoyed every last minute and he did, according to Ingersoll, except for a horrible airport situation in Las Vegas during a trip in October.
When Ingersoll, Larry and their children were leaving Las Vegas, an airport security guard didn’t believe that Larry had a steel plate in his head even with a letter from his doctor explaining so. After relentless persistence on the part of Beverly and the rest of the family, an exhausted Larry was finally allowed through security.
“Here was a wannabe cop harassing a true soldier and a hero, and we could do nothing about it. Only when Larry was nearly passing out did the security guard finally allow him to pass through,” Ingersoll wrote. “He never did read the letter; he just handed it back to Larry. We were all in tears by the time Larry was allowed to leave the area.”
According to Ingersoll, as Larry’s cancer progressed he made sure to spend as much time with his grandchildren as possible. He would go to their birthday parties and school activities. One last trip to the pumpkin patch was also in order. He would get tired, but it was a good tired, Ingersoll said.
The doctors would soon take Larry’s driver’s license away from him as a safety precaution. This, said Ingersoll, next to losing his hair, may have been one of the hardest parts for Larry. He had purchased a brand new truck four months before his license was taken away and would never be able to drive again, said Ingersoll. However, Larry did drive to his favorite mocha stand while Beverly was at work. Luckily, a neighbor would jump in the truck with him so nothing dangerous could happen.
“I took the keys off the hook and put them away, which made me feel like some kind of monster. Larry pleaded with me; he begged and wept for the longest time,” Ingersoll said. “Taking away a small piece of his manhood nearly destroyed him and almost broke my heart to see him like that.”
Shortly after, Ingersoll took a family medical leave work to spend the rest of Larry’s days beside him. It was the week of Thanksgiving 2002. According to Ingersoll, the next nine weeks were filled with both joyous and not-so-joyous occasions. However, Larry left the world full of peace and love, said Ingersoll. Larry died the morning of Jan. 25, 2003, the day after their 35th wedding anniversary.
“What I miss most about Larry was the way he told me how much he loved me each and every day for 35 years,” Ingersoll said. “There was never any doubt about his love for me and his family.”
“4 Months Of Gods Mercy” was released on Feb 12 at more than 25,000 locations. It is also available online at www.tatepublishing.com.
Ingersoll said she noticed something wasn’t right months earlier in June of 2002 when Larry started forgetting things, such as driving directions and where he would put stuff.
“Never in my wildest dreams was I prepared for how horribly things were about to change in my life,” Beverly Ingersoll wrote in her book “4 Months Of God’s Mercy,” which detailed her and Larry’s last four months together.
Ingersoll became increasingly worried about her husband’s health in Sept. 2002 when his memory loss became so great that he could not remember the address of the company he was supposed to be delivering to for his company. According to Ingersoll, this was a major red flag because her husband was an expert at reading maps and finding addresses. She finally convinced him to see their doctor.
“I never told Larry what to do or demanded things from him, but I felt he desperately needed to see our doctor,” Ingersoll wrote. When he again refused, I was near tears and said that I was extremely concerned and needed him to see the doctor for my own peace of mind.”
She said Larry didn’t react much when doctors told him he had three brain tumors as well as tumors in his lungs. His brain was so swollen that doctors told him if they didn’t get the swelling down right away that he would die in the next 24 hours.
Ingersoll said she rushed Larry to the hospital where their children and families met them. Larry was admitted and started on medicine to reduce the swelling in his brain. While he was resting, Ingersoll had finally received a chance to comprehend how quickly her life had changed now that her husband was fighting for his life.
“My initial reaction, of course, was shock at the news as I knew something was wrong. I just didn't have any idea it would be cancer since he was not in any pain and didn't act like he was sick,” Ingersoll said. “After that had time to sink in, I totally relied on the Lord, since this was too big for me to handle or even comprehend the entire scope of what was happening.”
Two days later, Sept. 19, 2002, Larry was scheduled for brain surgery to remove as much of the tumors as possible. Ingersoll remembers the night before his brain surgery as a particularly miraculous one. She laid there holding Larry as he drifted off to sleep. She said she prayed to God to be merciful and that her husband wouldn’t suffer.
Before long angels were circling the room, at first just a few but then the room filled with them and a sense of peace and weightlessness. Ingersoll said it was at that moment that she knew both Larry and she would be all right.
She said they spent the next four months cherishing every minute they had together. Larry refused further treatment and took everything in good humor.
“Larry and I were able to find peace with his death. We were able to spend the last four months of his life feeling good about our lives, our love, our family and all the blessings we had over the many years together,” Ingersoll said. “We didn't get angry or frustrated or spend time dwelling on the whys and what-ifs. It was a time for us to say our goodbyes and for him to get things finalized so he could go without any unfinished business.”
Ingersoll said those last four months were filled with beauty, love and thanksgiving. Both she and her husband were able to enjoy one another because “The Lord gave them peace of mind.”
But nothing comes without sacrifice.
Ingersoll said there were many nights where she would cry herself to sleep, but she knew God would give her the strength she needed. And he did just that.
“The hardest part of watching my husband and my best friend of 35 years die is that I couldn't do anything to change it. I couldn't stop what's happening to them or to my whole family,” Ingersoll said. “It's an extremely helpless feeling, but at the same time when you allow God to be in control, you know that His will, will be done and that is always better than anything you can do. I knew that Larry was going to heaven. What better than that can ever happen to a person?”
Ingersoll, her children, their spouses and even neighbors helped make Larry as comfortable and happy as they could for as long as possible. Everyone enjoyed spending time with him and made sure he enjoyed every last minute and he did, according to Ingersoll, except for a horrible airport situation in Las Vegas during a trip in October.
When Ingersoll, Larry and their children were leaving Las Vegas, an airport security guard didn’t believe that Larry had a steel plate in his head even with a letter from his doctor explaining so. After relentless persistence on the part of Beverly and the rest of the family, an exhausted Larry was finally allowed through security.
“Here was a wannabe cop harassing a true soldier and a hero, and we could do nothing about it. Only when Larry was nearly passing out did the security guard finally allow him to pass through,” Ingersoll wrote. “He never did read the letter; he just handed it back to Larry. We were all in tears by the time Larry was allowed to leave the area.”
According to Ingersoll, as Larry’s cancer progressed he made sure to spend as much time with his grandchildren as possible. He would go to their birthday parties and school activities. One last trip to the pumpkin patch was also in order. He would get tired, but it was a good tired, Ingersoll said.
The doctors would soon take Larry’s driver’s license away from him as a safety precaution. This, said Ingersoll, next to losing his hair, may have been one of the hardest parts for Larry. He had purchased a brand new truck four months before his license was taken away and would never be able to drive again, said Ingersoll. However, Larry did drive to his favorite mocha stand while Beverly was at work. Luckily, a neighbor would jump in the truck with him so nothing dangerous could happen.
“I took the keys off the hook and put them away, which made me feel like some kind of monster. Larry pleaded with me; he begged and wept for the longest time,” Ingersoll said. “Taking away a small piece of his manhood nearly destroyed him and almost broke my heart to see him like that.”
Shortly after, Ingersoll took a family medical leave work to spend the rest of Larry’s days beside him. It was the week of Thanksgiving 2002. According to Ingersoll, the next nine weeks were filled with both joyous and not-so-joyous occasions. However, Larry left the world full of peace and love, said Ingersoll. Larry died the morning of Jan. 25, 2003, the day after their 35th wedding anniversary.
“What I miss most about Larry was the way he told me how much he loved me each and every day for 35 years,” Ingersoll said. “There was never any doubt about his love for me and his family.”
“4 Months Of Gods Mercy” was released on Feb 12 at more than 25,000 locations. It is also available online at www.tatepublishing.com.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Beautiful Boy
A child’s laughter
A sweet kiss on the forehead.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
These are the things that make him happy.
My Beautiful Boy.
The stresses and the demands
Of trying to be normal. Of trying to be perfect.
They're just not for him.
He's my Beautiful Boy.
The simple things in life. The small things.
These are what he's all about.
The great escape. The sweet escape.
This is what he needs.
My Beautiful Boy.
The never-ending stream of demands.
The impossible expectations
That reach higher than the cotton candy clouds.
They're just not for him.
He's my Beautiful Boy.
All he wants is the kindness and the pride
The love of his parents.
But what he gets instead is the disappointment
The misunderstanding. The hatred.
My Beautiful Boy
They look into those deep blue eyes.
Oh so blue, they're the window to his soul.
Except they can’t see through that window.
Because they can’t understand him.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
What they don't know. What they can't see.
Is that they're crushing him.
Breaking his heart.
Crushing his dreams.
He's hurt and he's broken.
My Beautiful Boy.
Be kind. Be gentle.
Let him be. Let him free.
These are the things that matter most.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
Give him the mountains or the beach.
Keep your tall buildings and bumper to bumper traffic.
He can hear the roar in the silence.
Can we hear the silence in the roar?
My Beautiful Boy.
He's grown now
But the innocence of childhood still lives within him.
The boyish looks are gone.
But the twinkle in his eye will remain forever.
He may appear a man on the outside.
But don't let that fool you.
The adventurous nature of a young boy
Still roars inside him. Along with the silence.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
A sweet kiss on the forehead.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
These are the things that make him happy.
My Beautiful Boy.
The stresses and the demands
Of trying to be normal. Of trying to be perfect.
They're just not for him.
He's my Beautiful Boy.
The simple things in life. The small things.
These are what he's all about.
The great escape. The sweet escape.
This is what he needs.
My Beautiful Boy.
The never-ending stream of demands.
The impossible expectations
That reach higher than the cotton candy clouds.
They're just not for him.
He's my Beautiful Boy.
All he wants is the kindness and the pride
The love of his parents.
But what he gets instead is the disappointment
The misunderstanding. The hatred.
My Beautiful Boy
They look into those deep blue eyes.
Oh so blue, they're the window to his soul.
Except they can’t see through that window.
Because they can’t understand him.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
What they don't know. What they can't see.
Is that they're crushing him.
Breaking his heart.
Crushing his dreams.
He's hurt and he's broken.
My Beautiful Boy.
Be kind. Be gentle.
Let him be. Let him free.
These are the things that matter most.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
Give him the mountains or the beach.
Keep your tall buildings and bumper to bumper traffic.
He can hear the roar in the silence.
Can we hear the silence in the roar?
My Beautiful Boy.
He's grown now
But the innocence of childhood still lives within him.
The boyish looks are gone.
But the twinkle in his eye will remain forever.
He may appear a man on the outside.
But don't let that fool you.
The adventurous nature of a young boy
Still roars inside him. Along with the silence.
He’s my Beautiful Boy.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
A Million Miles An Hour
The day is winding down and the rest of the family is watching The Bucket List and as much as I'd love to watch it with them I promised Ian we'd watch it together in the fall. So, I sit here behind the flourescent glare of my computer screen wondering.
Wondering what? O lots of things, I guess it's more like daydreaming. I haven't been been this content, this happy with life in a loooong time. Whether that's because of the long, harsh winter we've had or because of deeper, darker issues I haven't yet decided. I just know that I'm happy. Really, honest to God, truly happy. I'm sure the boyfriend has something to do with that, but in any case. I'm happy.
Speaking of Ian, I miss him. Really miss him. He's only two hours away, but even that short distance sucks. Whenever I dream, it's about a life we may or may not ever have together. It's about the future, the present, and the past. It's about how I can see myself growing old with him. God, I love this boy. Its only been a short time, but I love him, and I just hope he feels the same way.
School starts in eight weeks, it's still quite far away, but I can't stop thing about the classes I'll be taking and the responsibilities I'll have. I mean, I'll actually be held accountable for more than just my grades, which I seem to get lucky with semester after semester. But, I'm excited. Being an editor will give me so much more experience that will help me in the long run.
Okay, so I'm npt really sure where I'm going with all of this. I just know that I'm happy, even though my mind is still running a million miles an hour.
Have a good night!
Wondering what? O lots of things, I guess it's more like daydreaming. I haven't been been this content, this happy with life in a loooong time. Whether that's because of the long, harsh winter we've had or because of deeper, darker issues I haven't yet decided. I just know that I'm happy. Really, honest to God, truly happy. I'm sure the boyfriend has something to do with that, but in any case. I'm happy.
Speaking of Ian, I miss him. Really miss him. He's only two hours away, but even that short distance sucks. Whenever I dream, it's about a life we may or may not ever have together. It's about the future, the present, and the past. It's about how I can see myself growing old with him. God, I love this boy. Its only been a short time, but I love him, and I just hope he feels the same way.
School starts in eight weeks, it's still quite far away, but I can't stop thing about the classes I'll be taking and the responsibilities I'll have. I mean, I'll actually be held accountable for more than just my grades, which I seem to get lucky with semester after semester. But, I'm excited. Being an editor will give me so much more experience that will help me in the long run.
Okay, so I'm npt really sure where I'm going with all of this. I just know that I'm happy, even though my mind is still running a million miles an hour.
Have a good night!
100 Things, New and Improved
At the request of some friends I've decided to finally get of my lazy butt and update this thing. You know, since its been a good 7 or 8 months. I blame the fact that I'm a college kid, yeah, thats it. And also, I actually have a life now.
But anyway, I was looking through old blog posts, specifically the 100 things post and decided to do a new one because I've changed quite a bit. So, here goes nothing.
But anyway, I was looking through old blog posts, specifically the 100 things post and decided to do a new one because I've changed quite a bit. So, here goes nothing.
- My name is Ashley
- But I'm rarely called that because everybody seems to have a different nickname for me
- My family and friends mean the world to me
- I think I've found my prince charming
- I wear my heart on my sleeve
- I'm a girl of many addictions and obsessions
- Scrabble, Tea, Myspace, Pepsi, Photography
- Writing is so many things to me
- A passion, stress reliever, an escape, a way for people to better understand me
- The Sentinel, under the instruction of Nils Rosdahl is the most kickass student paper. It's been proven.
- It's going to be a great day.
- I have no idea where I want to transfer to
- I want to live in NYC
- I'm a budding photographer, but I would lovvvveee photoshop
- I could do without watching movies or television again...ever
- Music and books are a thousand times better
- I love the sunshine, it makes me happy
- I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Java on Sherman still makes the best coffee
- My cats are spoiled...very spoiled
- I listen to music 24/7, especially when alone
- I hate being alone
- I think too much, seriously
- I'm emotional and probably overly sensitive sometimes
- But I'm also hardheaded and determined
- I love books, they do many of the same things writing does for me
- I find people, and their stories, intriguing.
- I've grown up a lot this year, but still have a long way to go
- I makes mistakes, and I try to learn from them
- I miss being able to play The Sims 2
- I love my pajamas...and playing dress up
- I don't understand how people can be so ignorant and judgemental
- I flew on a plane for the very first time in March and absolutely loved it
- I will travel the world, and then come home and write my memoirs
- I've experienced more pain than most, but its made me stronger
- I will make history
- I believe in Karma, and I'm not sure what else
- Change scares me
- People love to hate
- All we need is love
- Love. Peace. Happyness.
- I love children, and their innocence
- I haven't experienced half of the stuff most teens have, and I'm okay with that
- Hollywood is overrated
- I'm itching for my independence
- I really can't stand the silence
- My hair needs dyed again
- I dye my hair too much
- I have anxiety, and probably depression issues
- I am learning to deal with it and beginning the slow process of healing
- I love texting
- I'm shy until you get to know me, and then I don't shut up
- I'm trying to be more outgoing from the get go
- I trust to easily, it more often than not gets me hurt
- Seeing other people happy makes me happy
- Money will destroy us, maybe before guns
- Obama 08'
- I'm excited for the future, but I try to live in the moment
- Dane Cook is a silly bitch
- Three wardrobe essentials for every woman: shoes, purses, jackets
- I'm most definitely a morning person
- I love naps
- My friends have opened my eyes and my heart
- I'm a first geneation college student
- College is wayyy better than high school could ever be
- I love Autumn, and everything that comes with it
- The snow and I have issues with each other
- I am becoming my own person
- We lose so much history every day and it makes me sad
- My life is organized chaos
- One person can make a difference
- But more people can make a bigger difference
- I wish I was artistic, my bother got the creativity genes
- I wish that I could understand him
- I can't stay mad long, even if I want to
- I make friends easily
- I really, really can't do math
- Everything happens for a reason
- Everyday is a new beginning
- I procrastinate with the best of them
- I'm the new Arts and Entertainment editor for The Sentinel
- Myspace is way better than Facebook
- I love names
- I hate drama, but miss theatre
- I'm a dreamer, and hopeless romantic
- I believe in the paranormal
- It goes deeper than ghosts and spirits
- I'm a pessismistic optimist
- The problem with life is that there is no background music
- I love the heat
- I'm not allergic to anything, but I wish I was allergic to needles
- I want a big family
- And to grow old with the love of my life
- I wish people would understand better
- The Beatles are way better than The Stones culd ever be
- I do way better expressing my feelings on paper than in person
- I know some incredible people
- Music affects my mood wayyy more than it probably should
- I need a new computer
- Coffee sounds amazing right about now
Bleeding Love
***This poem was written a month ago. It's a bit more morbid than the last. I'll update this more tomorrow. I promise.***
That sweet sweet voice
As smooth as silk.
And those blue eyes
Bluer and deeper than the ocean
You could get lost in those eyes.
God, how I love this boy.
The swollen eyes
The black and blue bruises
The pushing, the yelling
The shoving, the screaming
They're all misunderstood, they really are
Because he loves me, he really does.
He says so. He promises me a better life.
I hope so. I pray so.
His broken promises. My broken bones.
They tell our story.
I'm bleeding. Bleeding his love.
I'm getting cold.
The bullet. It's lodged in my heart.
He cries. I cry.
He holds me. I cling to him.
We cry.
Say our final goodbyes.
The blood on his hands.
The bullet in my heart.
They tell our story.
And this is how it ends, our story.
With me, bleeding his love.
That sweet sweet voice
As smooth as silk.
And those blue eyes
Bluer and deeper than the ocean
You could get lost in those eyes.
God, how I love this boy.
The swollen eyes
The black and blue bruises
The pushing, the yelling
The shoving, the screaming
They're all misunderstood, they really are
Because he loves me, he really does.
He says so. He promises me a better life.
I hope so. I pray so.
His broken promises. My broken bones.
They tell our story.
I'm bleeding. Bleeding his love.
I'm getting cold.
The bullet. It's lodged in my heart.
He cries. I cry.
He holds me. I cling to him.
We cry.
Say our final goodbyes.
The blood on his hands.
The bullet in my heart.
They tell our story.
And this is how it ends, our story.
With me, bleeding his love.
California Sounds Amazing
***The following was originally wrote in late January or early February of 2007***
There's this boy
Who can make me smile
Without even knowing it
A companion to spend
The cold, windy night with
Whispering our dreams
Of a better life
A life filled with sunshine
And smiles
Of music and dancing
A sweet note to say hello
A promise that we will escape
Escape this life for a better one
California sounds Amazing!
There's this boy
Who can make me smile
Without even knowing it
A companion to spend
The cold, windy night with
Whispering our dreams
Of a better life
A life filled with sunshine
And smiles
Of music and dancing
A sweet note to say hello
A promise that we will escape
Escape this life for a better one
California sounds Amazing!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Starting Over
It's time to move on...to stop living in the past...there's this whole big future waiting for me...and a now, which I have ignored.
If three years ago--or a year ago for that matter--you had asked me where I would be today I would have told you that I would have had an apartment with friends, a car, and a boyfriend to top it off. I would be working at one of the local papers, hopefully the Spokesman, as an intern and life would be like that of any college sudent. Not perfect, but normal.
A year ago I thought I was on my way to at least achieving part of this dream. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.
Last year, at about this time, I was moving into the NIC dorms and although a little scared I was filled with excitement at the thought of living on my own, or at least with other people besides my family. Things went smoothly at first; I loved my classes (the newspaper especially), newfound freedom and friends, and my roommates weren't to bad themselves. Life couldn't get any better. At least I thought everything was going good.
Here's where my world falls apart!
I had barely been living in the dorms for two weeks when I realized that was all the time I would be spending there. As fate would have it, one of my roommates had a problem with my cleanliness and hygiene, or in this case, lack thereof. I am not a dirty person, and was ashamed to have even been thought of that way, but what can a girl do. Sometimes it's just harder for me to do certain things, so I accomplish those tasks differently. It never occured to me that those ways might not be the right ways to do things when living with three other girls.
In the end, the best solution for everybody was for me to move back home with my parents "to regroup" as one put it. I didn't handle any part of the situation well, but the others involved could have handled it better as well.
To say that I lost self-confidence is an understatement. I lost not only my self-confidence, but my independence and happiness. I have not been comfortable around or able to look certain people in the face for a year, even though they are here to help me, for fear that they would look me in the eye and see how weak I was; how terrified I was of having them see the real me.
Because, you see, I was wearing a mask. A mask that is now ready to come off.
I want my self-confidence back. I want my independence back. I want to be happy again. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm GOING to get my self-confidence and independence back. I'm GOING to be happy again.
I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned that you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for anybody or anything. It's not worth it.
If three years ago--or a year ago for that matter--you had asked me where I would be today I would have told you that I would have had an apartment with friends, a car, and a boyfriend to top it off. I would be working at one of the local papers, hopefully the Spokesman, as an intern and life would be like that of any college sudent. Not perfect, but normal.
A year ago I thought I was on my way to at least achieving part of this dream. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.
Last year, at about this time, I was moving into the NIC dorms and although a little scared I was filled with excitement at the thought of living on my own, or at least with other people besides my family. Things went smoothly at first; I loved my classes (the newspaper especially), newfound freedom and friends, and my roommates weren't to bad themselves. Life couldn't get any better. At least I thought everything was going good.
Here's where my world falls apart!
I had barely been living in the dorms for two weeks when I realized that was all the time I would be spending there. As fate would have it, one of my roommates had a problem with my cleanliness and hygiene, or in this case, lack thereof. I am not a dirty person, and was ashamed to have even been thought of that way, but what can a girl do. Sometimes it's just harder for me to do certain things, so I accomplish those tasks differently. It never occured to me that those ways might not be the right ways to do things when living with three other girls.
In the end, the best solution for everybody was for me to move back home with my parents "to regroup" as one put it. I didn't handle any part of the situation well, but the others involved could have handled it better as well.
To say that I lost self-confidence is an understatement. I lost not only my self-confidence, but my independence and happiness. I have not been comfortable around or able to look certain people in the face for a year, even though they are here to help me, for fear that they would look me in the eye and see how weak I was; how terrified I was of having them see the real me.
Because, you see, I was wearing a mask. A mask that is now ready to come off.
I want my self-confidence back. I want my independence back. I want to be happy again. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm GOING to get my self-confidence and independence back. I'm GOING to be happy again.
I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned that you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for anybody or anything. It's not worth it.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Heart
This little girl had a heart of gold...if you have heart pass this on so that no other child is cheated out of life. How could anybody let this happen?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg
Thursday, August 2, 2007
I'm Alive...So They Tell Me
What? Oh, you mean I'm actually supposed to update this thing occasionally. Well, if I would have known that :D
In all reality, Wireless Internet sucks! I'm this close to buying a wireless router for the computer
BUT...I'm too cheap. So all of my fans (the whole two of you) will have to put up with sporaic blog posting from yours truly.
That's all for now, don't cry, I'll be back soon!
(That is, if this damn connection cooperates. Maybe I'll bribe it with chocolate and coffee! It works with me!)
In all reality, Wireless Internet sucks! I'm this close to buying a wireless router for the computer
BUT...I'm too cheap. So all of my fans (the whole two of you) will have to put up with sporaic blog posting from yours truly.
That's all for now, don't cry, I'll be back soon!
(That is, if this damn connection cooperates. Maybe I'll bribe it with chocolate and coffee! It works with me!)
Monday, July 23, 2007
A Lil' Bit Of This And A Dash Of That
Long time no blog! We can thank my wireless Internet connection for the brief interruption of services!
Where to start!
We are now one of the billions of households with a Wii. That's right, the temptation to be just like everyone else led to my dad caving in and so my brother and he went down and got one. I don't think they have moved away from the television since. Not that they do much of that anyway.
Yesterday, was perfect! Why, you ask? Because I spent the day spending money that I shouldn't be spending with my mom!
TJ Maxx was our first stop, although I wasn't impressed! I've heard good things about them in the past! Target was next and I already love Target so of course I was excited! I did find some cute clothes, including an adorable pair of gouchos which I couldn't part with, but we decided to chexck out Fashion Bug first! After a pit stop at Starbucks for a Carmel Frappucino and a Carmel Macchiato we made it in there about ten minutes before closing and hit the jackpot! I got a skirt and two different shirts for less than thirty bucks! You can't beat that!
Today, I've been working on a birthday gift for a friend and enjoying the sunny weather!
In other news, there have been baby's galore since the New Year began. Here's a breakdown.
January-Sadie Alaina was born to my cousin Jesse and his girlfriend Dusty. She joins brothers Colin and Austin. The boys are Dusty's from a previous relationship.
March-Adyn Conner was born to my cousin Elizabeth and her fiance Eric. He joins brother Cedrick from my cousins previous relationship.
May-Addison Elizabeth was born to my cosin Dean and his fiance Michaela. She is the first child for both of them.
July-Kylee Nicole was born to my cousin Jenny and her boyfriend Eric. I believe Eric may have a child from his previous marriage.
And that's just family! I've had some friends have babies this year too.
Now quit being lazy and get off your butt and do something outside! It's gorgeous!
Where to start!
We are now one of the billions of households with a Wii. That's right, the temptation to be just like everyone else led to my dad caving in and so my brother and he went down and got one. I don't think they have moved away from the television since. Not that they do much of that anyway.
Yesterday, was perfect! Why, you ask? Because I spent the day spending money that I shouldn't be spending with my mom!
TJ Maxx was our first stop, although I wasn't impressed! I've heard good things about them in the past! Target was next and I already love Target so of course I was excited! I did find some cute clothes, including an adorable pair of gouchos which I couldn't part with, but we decided to chexck out Fashion Bug first! After a pit stop at Starbucks for a Carmel Frappucino and a Carmel Macchiato we made it in there about ten minutes before closing and hit the jackpot! I got a skirt and two different shirts for less than thirty bucks! You can't beat that!
Today, I've been working on a birthday gift for a friend and enjoying the sunny weather!
In other news, there have been baby's galore since the New Year began. Here's a breakdown.
January-Sadie Alaina was born to my cousin Jesse and his girlfriend Dusty. She joins brothers Colin and Austin. The boys are Dusty's from a previous relationship.
March-Adyn Conner was born to my cousin Elizabeth and her fiance Eric. He joins brother Cedrick from my cousins previous relationship.
May-Addison Elizabeth was born to my cosin Dean and his fiance Michaela. She is the first child for both of them.
July-Kylee Nicole was born to my cousin Jenny and her boyfriend Eric. I believe Eric may have a child from his previous marriage.
And that's just family! I've had some friends have babies this year too.
Now quit being lazy and get off your butt and do something outside! It's gorgeous!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Proud To Be An American
*Here is something to stir things up. My opinions are my own.
I’m proud to be an American and not ashamed to let everyone know. I’m one of the few who still feels this way, though. Most people are ashamed to call this glorious country home--and so they don’t; they refer to their heritage whenever possible.
Why is it one is ‘proud to be an American’ until they have to fight to stay an American? It wasn’t so long ago when the citizens of this country were proud to be from the ‘Grand ‘Ole USA.’ There was a time when red, white and blue flags adorned every home. Today, instead of the American flag being flown high in the sky, you see Rebel flags from a Confederacy that hasn’t existed in decades. Flag burning was unheard of, and now it’s as common as going to Starbucks for your morning cup of coffee.
The president was once a man who was shown the utmost respect, whether one liked him or not. Today, the president is a man most in this country love to hate. We believed in him when we elected him in 2000 and when we re-elected him in 2004, so why can’t we believe in him now. We need to trust President Bush and those other elected officials to do what they think is best for our country. You don’t have to like him, but you shouldn’t hate him either! It’s a tough job being President of the United States of America!
Yes, this nation is fighting a war--a war some believe we shouldn’t be fighting, but does that mean we can’t support those brave men and women who are fighting to protect the freedoms and rights American citizens take for granted? Freedoms and rights any person in almost any other country would cherish and value as if there life depended on it, and maybe it does.
We live in the United States of America because we are supposed to be united, not divided, in the effort to protect this land of ours. If we were to pull out of Iraq or any other country we may be in right now, it would only be a matter of time before we will be faced yet again with a tragedy like 9/11. We came together then, and we need to come together now so our troops can come home as soon and as safe as possible, but now is not the right time.
If we don’t fight to protect ourselves and our land now in other places where you and I feel little effect, we will have to fight to protect ourselves and our land later here at home and our lives will be completely changed forever. Which one would you choose?
I’m proud to be an American and not ashamed to let everyone know. I’m one of the few who still feels this way, though. Most people are ashamed to call this glorious country home--and so they don’t; they refer to their heritage whenever possible.
Why is it one is ‘proud to be an American’ until they have to fight to stay an American? It wasn’t so long ago when the citizens of this country were proud to be from the ‘Grand ‘Ole USA.’ There was a time when red, white and blue flags adorned every home. Today, instead of the American flag being flown high in the sky, you see Rebel flags from a Confederacy that hasn’t existed in decades. Flag burning was unheard of, and now it’s as common as going to Starbucks for your morning cup of coffee.
The president was once a man who was shown the utmost respect, whether one liked him or not. Today, the president is a man most in this country love to hate. We believed in him when we elected him in 2000 and when we re-elected him in 2004, so why can’t we believe in him now. We need to trust President Bush and those other elected officials to do what they think is best for our country. You don’t have to like him, but you shouldn’t hate him either! It’s a tough job being President of the United States of America!
Yes, this nation is fighting a war--a war some believe we shouldn’t be fighting, but does that mean we can’t support those brave men and women who are fighting to protect the freedoms and rights American citizens take for granted? Freedoms and rights any person in almost any other country would cherish and value as if there life depended on it, and maybe it does.
We live in the United States of America because we are supposed to be united, not divided, in the effort to protect this land of ours. If we were to pull out of Iraq or any other country we may be in right now, it would only be a matter of time before we will be faced yet again with a tragedy like 9/11. We came together then, and we need to come together now so our troops can come home as soon and as safe as possible, but now is not the right time.
If we don’t fight to protect ourselves and our land now in other places where you and I feel little effect, we will have to fight to protect ourselves and our land later here at home and our lives will be completely changed forever. Which one would you choose?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
My God, It's Barbie!
Alanna and I were stopped at the Tesoro on Lake Coeur d'Alene Drive for gas and sodas during our day on the town.
As she came out of the gas station another car pulled up and out came Barbie, or rather her human replica! She had the perfect tan skin, the long blonde hair and legs, and the big boobs. And we can't forget the perfectly coordinated outfit and accessories.
Its girls like her who give the rest of us self-esteem issues.
As Alanna came to my door to hand me the sodas before pumping the gas
Without a beat, she said
"My God, it's Barbie!"
As she came out of the gas station another car pulled up and out came Barbie, or rather her human replica! She had the perfect tan skin, the long blonde hair and legs, and the big boobs. And we can't forget the perfectly coordinated outfit and accessories.
Its girls like her who give the rest of us self-esteem issues.
As Alanna came to my door to hand me the sodas before pumping the gas
Without a beat, she said
"My God, it's Barbie!"
Monday, July 16, 2007
Wendy
It was a perfect Sunday. The sun was shining and we were headed off to IHOP for a breakfast that would make anybody happy. My parents only had to run one quick errand.
Tragedy strikes when you least expect it
My aunt calls and through muffled tears tells me "Wendy was shot!" I was told to have my mom call her as soon as she got home. A quick call to my parents who were at another aunts house and the next thing I knew my parents were walking through the door. My cousin and her baby arrived shortly after. It was decided that we would carpool. My aunts house is 2 hours away in Connell.
Wendy was a beautiful, loving person who had a full ife ahead of her. She was shot in the head by her boyfriend Jason. She was killed instantly.
After a day of many tears and much laughter my mom and I headed for home as my mom had to return to work the next day. We would be back though, how could we stay away!
This Sunday my family and I returned to Connell for more hugs, and prayer! Her funeral was Monday. The service was held in a beautiful Catholic church and it was amazing how many people came. More than a hundred easily.
My aunt, uncle, and cousins appreciated everything and I have hope that they will be alright. It will take time, but they will be alright.
Wendy leaves behind four younger brothers, her parents, and a whole bunch of extended family who loves her to death.
I love you Wendy Mae. Rest In Peace!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
100 Things
Here's my introduction! If there's anything else you would like to know or if you have any questions don't be afraid to leave me a comment! I don't bite, I promise!
- They call me Ashley
- My friends and family are my everything
- Music and books are the two greatest things in this world, and possibly beyond.
- Pepsi is my addiction
- Writing is my passion, and my stress reliever
- I'm one of those geeks who actually likes school
- I'm currently attending NIC and wouldn't change this for the world
- I'm a photo junkie and can't wait to get my digital camera
- There are approximately 975318642 billion candles in my house
- I don't know how to drive
- I don't watch movies or most television
- I have better ways to spend my time
- This heat wave is incredible
- Java on Sherman serves the best coffee
- My cats are spoiled...very spoiled
- I'm a packrat
- There are too many commercials on the radio
- I'm sensitive and emotional
- But I'm also incredibly stubborn and full of smiles
- I love playing scrabble
- And I'm getting quite good at it
- I love history
- Jolly Ranchers are the best thing ever
- I'm growing up
- And its scary, but I can't wait
- I need a better Internet connection
- The Sims 2 is an amazing game
- Allergies are no fun
- I love my pajamas
- I don't understand how people can judge without really knowing each other
- I will travel the world
- And come home to write my memoirs
- I've experienced more pain than most
- It's made me stronger
- I will make history
- I believe in Karma
- I'm not sure what else
- I believe people love to hate
- When instead we should love
- I'm all about Love Peace and Happiness
- I love children
- They live life like everybody should...happy
- I've never drank alcohol or smoked
- I plan to keep it that way
- What happened to the simple life?
- Celebrities are overrated
- I can't wait to be on my own
- I'm a 3rd generation Idahoan
- I was a Camp Fire girl
- I'm halfway there :D
- I can't stand silence
- My hair needs dyed (again)
- I dye my hair too much
- I love meeting new people
- I think too much
- I have anxiety problems
- I've never been to a concert
- My phone never leaves my side
- I'm going to NYC in the spring
- I'm shy until you get to know me
- And then you can't get me to shut up
- I trust too easily
- It gets me hurt, more often than not
- I love the simple things in life
- I have 58 cousins and second cousins
- Family get togethers are interesting
- Second chances are okay
- Third and fourth chances are not
- I'm told that I have a good sense of humor
- I'm still waiting for my prince charming
- Seeing other people happy makes me happy
- Communication is key
- Cold Stone has the best ice cream
- If in the wrong hands, money can destroy us
- Maybe before guns
- I can't wait to see what the future holds
- Dane Cook is the best comedian
- A girl can never have too many shoes
- Or purses
- The people that I've met in the last year have given me a new perspective on life
- I'm a first generation college student
- I never went to prom
- I sponsor a little girl from Guatemala
- I love the smell of pumpkin
- The snow is a huge problem with me
- I am my own person
- American history is being lost everyday
- My room is organized chaos
- One person can make a difference
- I have mosquito bites everywhere
- I wish I was artistic
- My brother got the creativity genes
- I can't stay mad for long
- There's no fun in that
- I try to learn from my mistakes
- I make friends easily
- I don't apply myself enough
- Everything happens for a reason
- Everyday is a chance to start over
- I love life and all the curveballs it can throw at me
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