I've been trying to write this for a long time. Each time I get a couple of sentences in I erase everything and pretend that nothings wrong. That I don't have a million and one things eating away at me.
I failed my Spanish class. I'm 99 percent sure I failed my Critical Issues in the Media class. Never before in my student career has such a thing happened, math courses are the one exception. I'll take responsibility for failing them because it is my fault and to say otherwise would make me a coward. I need to get my act together and now. If I can't make it in college how in the hell am I going to survive the real world? I don't want to be one of those 40-somethings living with her parents because she can't take care of herself or function on a normal level within society.
My twenty-second birthday is coming up and at first I was excited about the prospect of spending it with friends and family but now it's just making me realize that I'm in the same place this year that I have been for the past several years. Sure, I live on my own but in the big picture of life that doesn't mean so much. I don't smoke, do drugs and rarely drink. We won't even begin to discuss my lack of a romantic life. Everybody I know is either married or has kids. I don't want either right away but I'm sick of being alone. I'm afraid that it'll be that way forever though and it kills me.
Twenty years, it's breaking you down
now that you understand there's no one around
Take a breath, just take a seat
you're falling apart and tearing at the seams
Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
Everyday I wake up and pretend that I'm okay. That life is wonderful and I'm happy. Sometimes I am happy. Life's a beautiful thing. Lately, I just feel overwhelmed. I d much better when I have stuff that needs to get done and people that are depending on me and now that school's out for summer and Argonaut is almost at a stand still I have no responsibility. Just time to think.
And I think to much.
No, really. I do. How do you turn off your mind? Can you teach me, please? Maybe then I wouldn't think about why my body hates me so much and if I'll ever get to be off of these antibiotics. I'm not good at remembering to take them and they make the rest of me feel like hell anyway.
Maybe I could run away and reinvent myself and a new life somewhere far away from here. Maybe then I wouldn't think so much.
Heaven forbid, I end up alone.
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Midnight (Revision)
She’s curled up in bed with pint-sized
preschool princesses and their pageants
on the television. Wednesday’s don’t hold
much excitement for the new kid in town.
The music coming from her phone tells her
to hold out hope. The night’s not over yet.
‘Be awake in an hour.’ Four little words
turn her into a maniac. The dishes are done
and the laundry put away in record time. She slides
out of pajamas and into casual chic clothing.
Headlights flicker into the window. As quick as
the lights appear, they’re gone again. John, Paul, George
and Ringo tell her to open the door. The smell of Taco
Bell on his skin and the moonlight in his eyes greet her.
Making small talk as if that’s the way they’ve always done things
tells her that he’s found his very own princess, a queen really,
who dances to the beat of the same restless dream and that being the new
kid in town makes stuffing newspapers into envelopes on a sweltering
Thursday afternoon makes her feel useful. Making small talk like they do
a sad attempt at filling an appetite that should no longer be there.
‘I should go now’ breaks her every time. He stays a few minutes longer
anyway. The warmth that between their skin and the soft whispers
into ears remind them of the past. With a kiss on the forehead and arms
lingering around her waist a touch too long, he walks out the door.
Folding newspapers and stuffing envelopes keeps her mind busy until
the phone rings. His name on the caller ID takes her back but she answers
anyway. She probably always will. Making small talk won’t change anything.
Is she okay? He already knows she’s not but he still asks. They say goodbye
and go on with their lives. Him, with the girl of his dreams and the ability to
let the past be and her left to pick up the pieces. Until next time.
preschool princesses and their pageants
on the television. Wednesday’s don’t hold
much excitement for the new kid in town.
The music coming from her phone tells her
to hold out hope. The night’s not over yet.
‘Be awake in an hour.’ Four little words
turn her into a maniac. The dishes are done
and the laundry put away in record time. She slides
out of pajamas and into casual chic clothing.
Headlights flicker into the window. As quick as
the lights appear, they’re gone again. John, Paul, George
and Ringo tell her to open the door. The smell of Taco
Bell on his skin and the moonlight in his eyes greet her.
Making small talk as if that’s the way they’ve always done things
tells her that he’s found his very own princess, a queen really,
who dances to the beat of the same restless dream and that being the new
kid in town makes stuffing newspapers into envelopes on a sweltering
Thursday afternoon makes her feel useful. Making small talk like they do
a sad attempt at filling an appetite that should no longer be there.
‘I should go now’ breaks her every time. He stays a few minutes longer
anyway. The warmth that between their skin and the soft whispers
into ears remind them of the past. With a kiss on the forehead and arms
lingering around her waist a touch too long, he walks out the door.
Folding newspapers and stuffing envelopes keeps her mind busy until
the phone rings. His name on the caller ID takes her back but she answers
anyway. She probably always will. Making small talk won’t change anything.
Is she okay? He already knows she’s not but he still asks. They say goodbye
and go on with their lives. Him, with the girl of his dreams and the ability to
let the past be and her left to pick up the pieces. Until next time.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Time Of My Life
This year, more than any other year, has taught me more about life and about death, about friends and about enemies, about successes and failures, the strength of family and about becoming my own person than I ever thought there was to know, especially in the course of twelve glorious, yet tumultuous months. Anybody who knows me, really knows me, knows that 2009 has challenged me again and again, it's tested my faith and showed me that I can do whatever I want to and that anybody who doesn't believe doesn't matter.
Death has been a big part of my life this year. Why do I bring it up first? Because it reared it's ugly head almost as soon as we welcomed in 2009 and has chosen not to leave. I guess that's a part of life, whether I want it to be or not. There's something about losing someone you love that forces you to take a step back and slow down. You learn to appreciate the simpler things in life and not worry about tomorrow, except as a wanna-be journalist the latter is in my blood. I'm learning to say what needs to be said because life is to precious to not live like we're dying.
Everybody has something that they've been avoiding saying to another person for whatever reason, but don't hold back anymore. You'll feel better once you take that step and have that conversation. It could—it will—change your life.
I don't say this often enough but I have an amazing family; an amazing family who's had one hell of a year but you know what? We're (most of us) coming out of it better, stronger people. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, right? I think that too often in life people (everybody) gets caught up in themselves and what they want. It's human nature. But, I've learned that when times get rough my family knows how to pull together, cross boundaries that shouldn't be there and take care of each other, even if one party fights it tooth and nail. I think it's in the job description. As much as I want to kill a few select members most of the time they're family and family never backs down.
I've had to break out of my shell a lot this year; more than I thought I would. There's been days where I would rather take some Benadryl and curl up and bed to sleep this life away than face whatever demon needed to be faced but overall moving to Moscow has been good for me. I've had to meet new people and learn new things whether I wanted to or not.
And I've met and reconnected with some crazy brilliant people who've changed my life in ways that I didn't think possible. They've taught me that a bad day isn't the end of the world. Others have taught me that change isn't easy, it's not supposed to be but that next semester will be better in every way. And still others remind me that I can't do everything but that I can do some things great and to never give up. Finally, one person especially has reminded me that relationships change over time and that even when hurts sometimes but that true friends never leave.
2009 has been one hell of a year, with plenty of challenges and more recently plenty of laughter. I don't know what 2010 has in store for myself or anybody else but I do know this: I plan on having the time of my life.
And no, I didn't make any resolutions because I don't set myself up for failure.
Death has been a big part of my life this year. Why do I bring it up first? Because it reared it's ugly head almost as soon as we welcomed in 2009 and has chosen not to leave. I guess that's a part of life, whether I want it to be or not. There's something about losing someone you love that forces you to take a step back and slow down. You learn to appreciate the simpler things in life and not worry about tomorrow, except as a wanna-be journalist the latter is in my blood. I'm learning to say what needs to be said because life is to precious to not live like we're dying.
Everybody has something that they've been avoiding saying to another person for whatever reason, but don't hold back anymore. You'll feel better once you take that step and have that conversation. It could—it will—change your life.
I don't say this often enough but I have an amazing family; an amazing family who's had one hell of a year but you know what? We're (most of us) coming out of it better, stronger people. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, right? I think that too often in life people (everybody) gets caught up in themselves and what they want. It's human nature. But, I've learned that when times get rough my family knows how to pull together, cross boundaries that shouldn't be there and take care of each other, even if one party fights it tooth and nail. I think it's in the job description. As much as I want to kill a few select members most of the time they're family and family never backs down.
I've had to break out of my shell a lot this year; more than I thought I would. There's been days where I would rather take some Benadryl and curl up and bed to sleep this life away than face whatever demon needed to be faced but overall moving to Moscow has been good for me. I've had to meet new people and learn new things whether I wanted to or not.
And I've met and reconnected with some crazy brilliant people who've changed my life in ways that I didn't think possible. They've taught me that a bad day isn't the end of the world. Others have taught me that change isn't easy, it's not supposed to be but that next semester will be better in every way. And still others remind me that I can't do everything but that I can do some things great and to never give up. Finally, one person especially has reminded me that relationships change over time and that even when hurts sometimes but that true friends never leave.
2009 has been one hell of a year, with plenty of challenges and more recently plenty of laughter. I don't know what 2010 has in store for myself or anybody else but I do know this: I plan on having the time of my life.
And no, I didn't make any resolutions because I don't set myself up for failure.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
For The Most Part
Christmas is done for the year and it was a pleasure, for the most part. We'll get to the most part soon enough but first I'm reminded of just how lucky (and spoiled) I really am. Yesterday was spent with just my parents and brother and one of my uncles, but it';s nice that way. There's no pressure and no drama, for the most part.
The four of us got up early and opened presents (did I mention that I'm spoiled?) and then had eggs and toast which is more than any of us except maybe my brother eat for breakfast on any given morning. My brother; he has a bottomless pit for a stomach but you wouldn't know it by looking at the kid. Here's my amazing list of gifts because it would be a shame not to share how awesome they are:
—a new stereo system which includes an Ipod dock except I don't have an Ipod. It's very pretty nonetheless and has amazing sound compared to the ghetto one I have now.
—a new zebra striped purse which is again very pretty. Anyone who has seen my ld purse can testify to how badly I needed a new one. Holes make things fall out and get lost.
—Sims 3 World Adventures; okay, the geek is coming out in me now. This game is awesome but I might not be one to talk because the Sims games are the only games I play. Except Wii Bowling. I kick ass at Wii Bowling.
—Plenty and plenty of new clothes but what girl doesn't love new clothes?
—A beautiful new scarf to add to my (small) collection. They've become my new obsession.
—A bath set which smells delicious. Hot bubble baths are always a good thing.
In other news, only one of my uncle's showed up yesterday because my other one is an idiot and succeeded to put my mom in tears and almost give my aunt a heart attack on Christmas. That story is for another time. We decided not to stress over him anymore for the time being and enjoyed a day of good food and family. It was a beautiful day, for the most part.
School starts back up on the 13th and the first Arg of the semester comes out shortly after. I'm ready to go back to Moscow, for the most part. Sitting home much longer may or may not cause me to kill a person or two. Right now, all is calm because the internet is working and I've still got a couple of good books to keep my attention and occupy my time. Some nights make me wish I could poor someone's beverage o choice down the drain or be anywhere but here.
Somehow, after a horrible semester (most of it was mental) I somehow managed to pass all of my classes with three C's, two B's and one A. Don't ask me how because I don't know.
I'm rambling again. Damn it.
One last thing. I'm updating my Itunes library and need new music. Help me, people!
The four of us got up early and opened presents (did I mention that I'm spoiled?) and then had eggs and toast which is more than any of us except maybe my brother eat for breakfast on any given morning. My brother; he has a bottomless pit for a stomach but you wouldn't know it by looking at the kid. Here's my amazing list of gifts because it would be a shame not to share how awesome they are:
—a new stereo system which includes an Ipod dock except I don't have an Ipod. It's very pretty nonetheless and has amazing sound compared to the ghetto one I have now.
—a new zebra striped purse which is again very pretty. Anyone who has seen my ld purse can testify to how badly I needed a new one. Holes make things fall out and get lost.
—Sims 3 World Adventures; okay, the geek is coming out in me now. This game is awesome but I might not be one to talk because the Sims games are the only games I play. Except Wii Bowling. I kick ass at Wii Bowling.
—Plenty and plenty of new clothes but what girl doesn't love new clothes?
—A beautiful new scarf to add to my (small) collection. They've become my new obsession.
—A bath set which smells delicious. Hot bubble baths are always a good thing.
In other news, only one of my uncle's showed up yesterday because my other one is an idiot and succeeded to put my mom in tears and almost give my aunt a heart attack on Christmas. That story is for another time. We decided not to stress over him anymore for the time being and enjoyed a day of good food and family. It was a beautiful day, for the most part.
School starts back up on the 13th and the first Arg of the semester comes out shortly after. I'm ready to go back to Moscow, for the most part. Sitting home much longer may or may not cause me to kill a person or two. Right now, all is calm because the internet is working and I've still got a couple of good books to keep my attention and occupy my time. Some nights make me wish I could poor someone's beverage o choice down the drain or be anywhere but here.
Somehow, after a horrible semester (most of it was mental) I somehow managed to pass all of my classes with three C's, two B's and one A. Don't ask me how because I don't know.
I'm rambling again. Damn it.
One last thing. I'm updating my Itunes library and need new music. Help me, people!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Cuz' Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright
I've discovered recently that peace of mind is a beautiful, beautiful thing. I've also learned that too much alone time can cause someone to think too much and thinking too much is never a good thing. I think I've had too much alone time.
On the other hand, I went and had dinner and drinks with some of the most amazing people I know on Tuesday night. It was nice to get out of the house and away from the depths of my own thoughts for a while. There's nothing quite like real, deep laughter and a walk in the rain to soothe a soul. Today brought another adventure with another friend. We'll just say this was to celebrate surviving one hell of a semester. Sometimes I wonder.
I've taken all of my finals and written all of the papers that I need to for the semester, but the anxiety and the worry are still with me. I'm just trying to figure out why. I know that I'll be lucky to pass all of my classes this semester and I really don't deserve to. I've been a better student and it's time that I be a better student again.
My glasses are broken. It's the second time this year. I don't like it so much because while my eyes have adjusted my head hurts. And it all happened just in time for finals week too. I'll get new ones when I go home though.
Speaking of home, I'm going home tomorrow for 23 days. I love home, but not that much. I think I'd love it more if I weren't physically stuck in the house for the majority of the time. I'll live and overcome. There's no problem a good book and hot drink won't solve. I still need to pack and clean and do laundry, my god the laundry. I've also got a coffee date and at least one other person that I need a hug from. They really do make everything better.
I've found myself making up excuses to see him lately. I need to stop it because it's not right. I mean, he's a taken man. Forever. I still feel really awkward when I run into them together, but I shouldn't. I get all shy and quiet and flustered. I guess it's because sometimes...wait, never mind. I'll keep that thought to myself because it's going to do nothing but cause trouble anyway
This was the first year that I had my own money to buy Christmas gifts for other people with. It wasn't much and not many people will get gifts because I'm a college student with little money, but I'm still happy that I get to give other people gifts. That's what this is all about anyway, right?
I've decided that every little thing is going to be alright. I'm going to make it that way.
On the other hand, I went and had dinner and drinks with some of the most amazing people I know on Tuesday night. It was nice to get out of the house and away from the depths of my own thoughts for a while. There's nothing quite like real, deep laughter and a walk in the rain to soothe a soul. Today brought another adventure with another friend. We'll just say this was to celebrate surviving one hell of a semester. Sometimes I wonder.
I've taken all of my finals and written all of the papers that I need to for the semester, but the anxiety and the worry are still with me. I'm just trying to figure out why. I know that I'll be lucky to pass all of my classes this semester and I really don't deserve to. I've been a better student and it's time that I be a better student again.
My glasses are broken. It's the second time this year. I don't like it so much because while my eyes have adjusted my head hurts. And it all happened just in time for finals week too. I'll get new ones when I go home though.
Speaking of home, I'm going home tomorrow for 23 days. I love home, but not that much. I think I'd love it more if I weren't physically stuck in the house for the majority of the time. I'll live and overcome. There's no problem a good book and hot drink won't solve. I still need to pack and clean and do laundry, my god the laundry. I've also got a coffee date and at least one other person that I need a hug from. They really do make everything better.
I've found myself making up excuses to see him lately. I need to stop it because it's not right. I mean, he's a taken man. Forever. I still feel really awkward when I run into them together, but I shouldn't. I get all shy and quiet and flustered. I guess it's because sometimes...wait, never mind. I'll keep that thought to myself because it's going to do nothing but cause trouble anyway
This was the first year that I had my own money to buy Christmas gifts for other people with. It wasn't much and not many people will get gifts because I'm a college student with little money, but I'm still happy that I get to give other people gifts. That's what this is all about anyway, right?
I've decided that every little thing is going to be alright. I'm going to make it that way.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Two Weeks
Two weeks.
Two weeks until I'll be able to sleep a full 8 hours, much less 4, each night without feeling guilty or anxious about getting everything that needs done finished.
Two weeks until I'll be able to sit and finish a good book and warm drink without having to constantly check the time to make sure that I get where I need to be on time.
Two weeks until I have no more deadlines and no more interviews for three whole weeks.
Two more weeks until I no longer have to fight the snow, ice, wind and bitter cold everyday.
Two more weeks until I'm without the two people I trust most in this world for three weeks.
Two more weeks until I realize that while I desperately need a break I'm going to be mighty lonely for the next three weeks without my amazing friends.
What do your next two weeks look like?
Two weeks until I'll be able to sleep a full 8 hours, much less 4, each night without feeling guilty or anxious about getting everything that needs done finished.
Two weeks until I'll be able to sit and finish a good book and warm drink without having to constantly check the time to make sure that I get where I need to be on time.
Two weeks until I have no more deadlines and no more interviews for three whole weeks.
Two more weeks until I no longer have to fight the snow, ice, wind and bitter cold everyday.
Two more weeks until I'm without the two people I trust most in this world for three weeks.
Two more weeks until I realize that while I desperately need a break I'm going to be mighty lonely for the next three weeks without my amazing friends.
What do your next two weeks look like?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Blessed I Be
Thanksgiving was great. It was just my mom and dad, Josh, Paul, Shawn and I so it started out and ended up as a very relaxing day. My mom prepares a feast like nobody else. Nobody could move by the end of the night but we couldn't get enough of the amazing food. The menu this year was pretty much the same as it is every year, but tradition is part of Thanksgiving isn't it? The menu consisted of: turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, stuffing, fruit salad, green beans, rolls, green and black olives, pickles, pumpkin pie and apple pie. There were also a vegetable tray, cheese and cracker tray, pretzels and chips and dip. It's not as extravagant as some Thanksgiving dinners are but it doesn't need to be.
Thanksgiving isn't all about the feasting, or at least it shouldn't be. I know that I have so much to be thankful for not only on Thanksgiving but on every singe day because I truly am blessed.
Living and going to school away from my family has made me appreciate them so much more. I've always loved them and known how lucky I am to have them but this year has shown me that they can and will be taken away from me when I least expect it and while it's not always fair it's life and since when is life fair? Having this week to visit and be home and take a break to see my family and kittehs has done me so much good.
My friends, my dear friends, I don't know what I would do without you. You never fail to make me laugh until I cry, show me just how good I really do have it and remind me that whatever has me down does not mean that the end of the world is approaching but rather that better days are to come. I'm lucky enough that I get to see a few of you more often than not (Kels especially) and those that I don't I was able to see on Monday. Except for certain people who exceptionally good at hiding (Waltrip, Cole). It's true, you never do forget who your real friends are.
An education is something that so many people go there whole lives without because they can't afford or aren't allowed to go to school. It's not been easy by any means, but I've learned more in and out of the classroom this semester than I think I've ever learned. I've learned from those that I expected to but those that have taught me the most blindsided me. And that, is something to be truly thankful for. Learn something new everyday. Be curious. Ask questions. It can never hurt.
As odd as it may sound, I am grateful for music. It tells a story like I've never been quite able to do. Seriously, take a minute and imagine living life without any music whatsoever. It would be boring and without near as many smiles and laughter. I can't live without music and I hope that nobody else is able to either.
I think that we all take good health for granted until we no longer have it. In March and April of this year I was shown just how quickly good health can be taken away from someone and how not having your health can either take your life away or change it forever. Please, take care of yourself both in the physical and mental respect. I plan to start doing the same and I've found that the best remedies are good doses of sunshine and laughter and those cost absolutely nothing. Drink up.
I could go on and on but instead I'll stop. Just know that you mean the world to me.
Thanksgiving isn't all about the feasting, or at least it shouldn't be. I know that I have so much to be thankful for not only on Thanksgiving but on every singe day because I truly am blessed.
Living and going to school away from my family has made me appreciate them so much more. I've always loved them and known how lucky I am to have them but this year has shown me that they can and will be taken away from me when I least expect it and while it's not always fair it's life and since when is life fair? Having this week to visit and be home and take a break to see my family and kittehs has done me so much good.
My friends, my dear friends, I don't know what I would do without you. You never fail to make me laugh until I cry, show me just how good I really do have it and remind me that whatever has me down does not mean that the end of the world is approaching but rather that better days are to come. I'm lucky enough that I get to see a few of you more often than not (Kels especially) and those that I don't I was able to see on Monday. Except for certain people who exceptionally good at hiding (Waltrip, Cole). It's true, you never do forget who your real friends are.
An education is something that so many people go there whole lives without because they can't afford or aren't allowed to go to school. It's not been easy by any means, but I've learned more in and out of the classroom this semester than I think I've ever learned. I've learned from those that I expected to but those that have taught me the most blindsided me. And that, is something to be truly thankful for. Learn something new everyday. Be curious. Ask questions. It can never hurt.
As odd as it may sound, I am grateful for music. It tells a story like I've never been quite able to do. Seriously, take a minute and imagine living life without any music whatsoever. It would be boring and without near as many smiles and laughter. I can't live without music and I hope that nobody else is able to either.
I think that we all take good health for granted until we no longer have it. In March and April of this year I was shown just how quickly good health can be taken away from someone and how not having your health can either take your life away or change it forever. Please, take care of yourself both in the physical and mental respect. I plan to start doing the same and I've found that the best remedies are good doses of sunshine and laughter and those cost absolutely nothing. Drink up.
I could go on and on but instead I'll stop. Just know that you mean the world to me.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday, Sweet Sunday
Sunday's at my parent's house have always been the one day of the week where nobody has any other commitments and we tend to lay around the house in our pajamas all day. My dad will cook a good breakfast and my brother goes to to get the newspaper and takes our drink orders while he's there as well.
Sunday's are definitely my favorite day of the week. Especially, when I don't have a staff meeting for the Arg to attend or homework to worry about, even if it is only because we're on Thanksgiving break.
Now if only I weren't sick and there wasn't snow on the ground. But this, I'll take this.
This next week has lots of exciting things in store as well. As Kelty put it, I've got a lot of hell to raise in two day's time. Hell raising is fun though.
Sunday's are definitely my favorite day of the week. Especially, when I don't have a staff meeting for the Arg to attend or homework to worry about, even if it is only because we're on Thanksgiving break.
Now if only I weren't sick and there wasn't snow on the ground. But this, I'll take this.
This next week has lots of exciting things in store as well. As Kelty put it, I've got a lot of hell to raise in two day's time. Hell raising is fun though.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Call Me Irresponsible
I've got so much to tell, but I'm not sure how to organize my thoughts so that anybody else can understand them so I'll go day by day because that will probably be easier to comprehend, maybe. It's been one hell of a week and this week is going to be busy and crazy as well.
Sunday--My mommy came down for a couple of hours and so we hung out here and ordered pasta from Pizza Hut which is quite good, by the way. She tries to come down every couple of weeks and it's nice especially because I refuse to come home until Thanksgiving break starts and then Christmas break. That's a whole other story though. The staff meeting was uneventful. Marcus was back after taking a week to cool off and in an exceptionally good mood. I took two stories and maybe should've only taken one but I'll pull it off. I always do.
Monday--Monday's are always intense because they're so jam-packed. The Red Bull Run was back in full swing seeing a how the topic of conversation quickly came around to sex and nudity. Oops. Geography was boring, but it always is to me. When it came time for English things got interesting. We were all sitting in class waiting for our teacher to arrive and at three minutes after class was supposed to start James checks his email and then bursts out laughing because just then the teacher had sent an email saying that class was cancelled for the day. We laughed it off and moved on. I then went and had coffee with Kelsey before my lab. Micah and Elizabeth eventually showed up before I had to leave. Production was interesting and entertaining as always.
Tuesday--I left the house early because when I grabbed my Mac from Kelsey the night before I forgot to grab the cord and so I needed to get it from her desk. Then I went to class and more class and more class. And then a quick walk back to the SUB with Jake to catch the bus home. There were lots of riders that night so it was fun. Home just meant that I had laundry and homework but home is still good.
Wednesday--I was exhausted for some reason and had tons to do. I missed my geography class because I had an interview for the Veteran's Day story which went very well. I then missed my English class because I needed to cover the actual event but it was okay because I turned my assignment into him early. The Veteran's Day lunch was totally worth missing class for too. Jake got some awesome pictures and both the story and pictures ended up on the front page of the Arg. I then went back to the newsroom to ask Marcus if he would extend my deadline from three to five, and he did. I still hated asking, though. I went home and wrote the story. Just in time too, because then Ian showed up. We'll save that conversation for another day, however. Let's just say that I needed a good, strong drink or some sleep afterward. Neither of which I received.
Thursday--Abu gave us study guides for tests on Tuesday in both of his classes but they're big ones. We met for Dinah's class to discuss where are news stories are and what we'll be doing the rest of the semester. Between Ethics and Dinah's class I went to sign my payroll but could only sign my one for whatever writing I've done because the production ones weren't ready yet and Shawn wasn't in his office. After Dinah's class I went back to the SUB again to sign my production payroll before Global Media. After class Jake walked with me to production which was entertaining as always.
Friday--I had both my Geography and English classes. My English class is definitely getting more entertaining each day. After classes I went and sat at he cafe inside the SUB with a book and a chai. Ryan showed up and we sat their with our coffees and book (me) and computer (him). Ian and Emily came by and that threw me completely off. I came home expecting a night of peace but then Mandi showed up (uggh) and so we hung out.
Today--I slept way longer than I needed to and then went to the KUOI sale, which I was thoroughly unimpressed with. I ran into both Mark and Ryan there. On the way home I stopped and got a chai and now I'm here...procrastinating.
When's Thanksgiving break again?
Sunday--My mommy came down for a couple of hours and so we hung out here and ordered pasta from Pizza Hut which is quite good, by the way. She tries to come down every couple of weeks and it's nice especially because I refuse to come home until Thanksgiving break starts and then Christmas break. That's a whole other story though. The staff meeting was uneventful. Marcus was back after taking a week to cool off and in an exceptionally good mood. I took two stories and maybe should've only taken one but I'll pull it off. I always do.
Monday--Monday's are always intense because they're so jam-packed. The Red Bull Run was back in full swing seeing a how the topic of conversation quickly came around to sex and nudity. Oops. Geography was boring, but it always is to me. When it came time for English things got interesting. We were all sitting in class waiting for our teacher to arrive and at three minutes after class was supposed to start James checks his email and then bursts out laughing because just then the teacher had sent an email saying that class was cancelled for the day. We laughed it off and moved on. I then went and had coffee with Kelsey before my lab. Micah and Elizabeth eventually showed up before I had to leave. Production was interesting and entertaining as always.
Tuesday--I left the house early because when I grabbed my Mac from Kelsey the night before I forgot to grab the cord and so I needed to get it from her desk. Then I went to class and more class and more class. And then a quick walk back to the SUB with Jake to catch the bus home. There were lots of riders that night so it was fun. Home just meant that I had laundry and homework but home is still good.
Wednesday--I was exhausted for some reason and had tons to do. I missed my geography class because I had an interview for the Veteran's Day story which went very well. I then missed my English class because I needed to cover the actual event but it was okay because I turned my assignment into him early. The Veteran's Day lunch was totally worth missing class for too. Jake got some awesome pictures and both the story and pictures ended up on the front page of the Arg. I then went back to the newsroom to ask Marcus if he would extend my deadline from three to five, and he did. I still hated asking, though. I went home and wrote the story. Just in time too, because then Ian showed up. We'll save that conversation for another day, however. Let's just say that I needed a good, strong drink or some sleep afterward. Neither of which I received.
Thursday--Abu gave us study guides for tests on Tuesday in both of his classes but they're big ones. We met for Dinah's class to discuss where are news stories are and what we'll be doing the rest of the semester. Between Ethics and Dinah's class I went to sign my payroll but could only sign my one for whatever writing I've done because the production ones weren't ready yet and Shawn wasn't in his office. After Dinah's class I went back to the SUB again to sign my production payroll before Global Media. After class Jake walked with me to production which was entertaining as always.
Friday--I had both my Geography and English classes. My English class is definitely getting more entertaining each day. After classes I went and sat at he cafe inside the SUB with a book and a chai. Ryan showed up and we sat their with our coffees and book (me) and computer (him). Ian and Emily came by and that threw me completely off. I came home expecting a night of peace but then Mandi showed up (uggh) and so we hung out.
Today--I slept way longer than I needed to and then went to the KUOI sale, which I was thoroughly unimpressed with. I ran into both Mark and Ryan there. On the way home I stopped and got a chai and now I'm here...procrastinating.
When's Thanksgiving break again?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Under Pressure
I've been busy, really busy which coincidentally leaves little to no time for updating this; as much as I want to. Wednesday's usually my light day each week, but no more.
I've got two classes, an interview (or five), a story to write by the 3 p.m. deadline for an event that isn't happening until noon, laundry, homework and maybe I'll eventually get some sleep in.
I'm so overwhelmed. I hope that I can get my story in by deadline and have it be good. I also need to do some major research for a package of news stories that I'm working on for Dinah's class. Which reminds me that I also need to have a resume and cover letter ready for her tomorrow.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this down because it sure as hell isn't interesting but considering that I can't think straight right now but I will get through today.
Not that the pressure's on or anything.
I've got two classes, an interview (or five), a story to write by the 3 p.m. deadline for an event that isn't happening until noon, laundry, homework and maybe I'll eventually get some sleep in.
I'm so overwhelmed. I hope that I can get my story in by deadline and have it be good. I also need to do some major research for a package of news stories that I'm working on for Dinah's class. Which reminds me that I also need to have a resume and cover letter ready for her tomorrow.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this down because it sure as hell isn't interesting but considering that I can't think straight right now but I will get through today.
Not that the pressure's on or anything.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Any Other Friday
Today I...
--played tour guide to a family while riding a bus on a very hilly campus. It was very impromptu.
--enjoyed a few moments of peace with a good book and a warm chai. The book was "Beloved" by Toni Morrison and the chai was of the vanilla sort.
--saw a friend and his fiance without them seeing me. I then proceeded to play chicken and wheeled in the opposite direction rather quickly. It's not them, it's me.
--met a neighbor while playing the aforementioned role of impromptu tour guide. She's quite nice.
--reconnected with an old classmate. We hadn't seen each other in about 10 years or so. It was fun playing catch up and talking about where we had been, where we are and where we want to go.
--was invited to a pizza party but politely declined.
--embraced the sunshine and the wind both.
--was reminded for the millionth time that I'm gullible and there's a reason I trust the people I do.
--lived through the most boring English class ever. That's a lot coming from me.
--rediscovered Bob Marley.
--need short story ideas.
--am thankful for a peaceful soul. Please don't take that away from me.
--played tour guide to a family while riding a bus on a very hilly campus. It was very impromptu.
--enjoyed a few moments of peace with a good book and a warm chai. The book was "Beloved" by Toni Morrison and the chai was of the vanilla sort.
--saw a friend and his fiance without them seeing me. I then proceeded to play chicken and wheeled in the opposite direction rather quickly. It's not them, it's me.
--met a neighbor while playing the aforementioned role of impromptu tour guide. She's quite nice.
--reconnected with an old classmate. We hadn't seen each other in about 10 years or so. It was fun playing catch up and talking about where we had been, where we are and where we want to go.
--was invited to a pizza party but politely declined.
--embraced the sunshine and the wind both.
--was reminded for the millionth time that I'm gullible and there's a reason I trust the people I do.
--lived through the most boring English class ever. That's a lot coming from me.
--rediscovered Bob Marley.
--need short story ideas.
--am thankful for a peaceful soul. Please don't take that away from me.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Long December
Why do song lyrics always say it best?
I'm overwhelmed. I have tons to do and neither the desire or energy to do any of it. I miss my friends. I think I'm losing the two people in the world who mean the most to me; the two people who I trust with everything. My skin hurts. I used to have beautiful, soft skin but alas.
Somedays getting out of bed almost isn't worth it. I long for people, but the people here have their own lives, concerns, worries and they should. It's just that...I guess I've been spoiled in the people department until now. I've become somewhat of an introvert and thats just not me. I miss having people around who understood, or tried. Moscow's not all bad, don't get me wrong. If I've learned one thing since I've been here though it's that there's no place like home.
The Argonaut has been one hell of an experience; one that I know will be worth it in the end. You see, I've never been of the competitive type. I've never had to be, until now. It'll be good, though. Toughen me up, right? I've always said that the best thing about journalism is the people, and to this day it's true. But what if they don't think I'm a good enough writer or a stunning page designer? What happens then?
Maybe, I just need sunshine, or a good belly laugh, or a good long hug.
Why does he always come to my mind? Just stop it already, please. He's not making it any easier.
As for me, I think it's time to try and get some sleep because there will always be tomorrow.
I'm overwhelmed. I have tons to do and neither the desire or energy to do any of it. I miss my friends. I think I'm losing the two people in the world who mean the most to me; the two people who I trust with everything. My skin hurts. I used to have beautiful, soft skin but alas.
Somedays getting out of bed almost isn't worth it. I long for people, but the people here have their own lives, concerns, worries and they should. It's just that...I guess I've been spoiled in the people department until now. I've become somewhat of an introvert and thats just not me. I miss having people around who understood, or tried. Moscow's not all bad, don't get me wrong. If I've learned one thing since I've been here though it's that there's no place like home.
The Argonaut has been one hell of an experience; one that I know will be worth it in the end. You see, I've never been of the competitive type. I've never had to be, until now. It'll be good, though. Toughen me up, right? I've always said that the best thing about journalism is the people, and to this day it's true. But what if they don't think I'm a good enough writer or a stunning page designer? What happens then?
Maybe, I just need sunshine, or a good belly laugh, or a good long hug.
Why does he always come to my mind? Just stop it already, please. He's not making it any easier.
As for me, I think it's time to try and get some sleep because there will always be tomorrow.
So That It No Longer Threatens The Life It Belongs To
After you left, I grieved and I began to move on. I concentrated on school and friends and myself. Sure, you were in the back of my mind somewhere but you'll always be there. It's just the way you and I work.
I moved and when I was getting ready to move I knew that us being in the same town could be beautiful or it could be painful. It turns out that its been a good mix of both.
We'll run into each other by chance or meet because one of us sends a text to the other saying come see me. And I fall for it every time; except I should know better because it makes it hard.
Seeing you makes it really hard not to miss you. In fact, it makes it damn near impossible not to miss you. And I miss you most not when you haven't been around, but rather after I've spent some time with you because thats when all these memories and all these emotions well up inside of me and refuse to leave without putting up a fight. When you're gone it's easy to move on with life and preoccupy myself with other concerns.
That being said, I'm not sure that I could handle you not being in my life. Because you are one of only two people I trust in this whole wide world.
Its not even that I'm in love with you anymore, its just that I miss being with you. Falling asleep in your arms and knowing that you'd never let anything bad happen. Talking, really talking to you, about everything and about nothing. Having your complete attention and knowing that neither one of us has anywhere or anyone to rush off to. I miss having you care. I miss midnight.
I miss you and I know that I shouldn't.
And now that I've gotten this off of my chest so that it no longer threatens the life it belongs to.
I moved and when I was getting ready to move I knew that us being in the same town could be beautiful or it could be painful. It turns out that its been a good mix of both.
We'll run into each other by chance or meet because one of us sends a text to the other saying come see me. And I fall for it every time; except I should know better because it makes it hard.
Seeing you makes it really hard not to miss you. In fact, it makes it damn near impossible not to miss you. And I miss you most not when you haven't been around, but rather after I've spent some time with you because thats when all these memories and all these emotions well up inside of me and refuse to leave without putting up a fight. When you're gone it's easy to move on with life and preoccupy myself with other concerns.
That being said, I'm not sure that I could handle you not being in my life. Because you are one of only two people I trust in this whole wide world.
Its not even that I'm in love with you anymore, its just that I miss being with you. Falling asleep in your arms and knowing that you'd never let anything bad happen. Talking, really talking to you, about everything and about nothing. Having your complete attention and knowing that neither one of us has anywhere or anyone to rush off to. I miss having you care. I miss midnight.
I miss you and I know that I shouldn't.
And now that I've gotten this off of my chest so that it no longer threatens the life it belongs to.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Rise Above This
A lot has happened lately. So much so that sometimes it's really hard for me to stay calm, collected and cool. In fact, I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I miss it, but I'm not sure how to fix everything anymore. A very dear friend recently said "You've got a million thoughts and emotions running through your head right now. So let them out." And I've finally admitted that this is what's got to happen. Except for this time I'm going to write, because it doesn't come out so good as speech.
--I hate bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. It's not fair and I don't like it anymore, but I don't know how to fix it either.
--I have the most amazing friends ever. They know that someting is wrong just by looking at me most of the time. They've played therapist wayyy more than they should have to lately and I feel really bad about that. I don't want to burden them with my craziness because I know that some people have it way worse than I do and it's not fair to them when my problems start taking a toll on them. I should be more grateful, and deep down I am.
--I miss my best friends. I didn't realize how lucky I was until they moved away (Kels, Jess, Kat, Shelly) and reality started to sink in. Sometimes I feel a bit left behind because normal people know how to move on with their lives (literally and figuratively) and be happy. And I...I'm still here.
--I wish I didn't become so attached to certain people and things because it's not fair to them and really not healthy.
--I want to be happy again. Really happy.
--School is really kicking my ass this semester. I mean I love learning and I love the social aspect, but sometimes things just get to be too much. I'm there and I think I've probably been there for a while now. Math is just plain difficult for me and I'm afraid that I'll have to drop the class if I didn't do well on this last test. I really don't want to do that. History and Psych are good :) My Environmental Science class is very interesting. The teacher is great and the lab is fun, but very challenging. I'm very thankful for my English class because it lets me be creative in my writing, yet it forces me to write.
--And then there's The Sentinel. First off, let me say that this paper is my daily dose of humor and sarcasm. I don't think I could live without it. I really don't Nils is a crazy old man, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've been very blessed to meet some great (egotistical and crazy) people that have changed my life, even when they move far away.
I'm sure there's more, but for now this will have to suffice, because I will rise above this. I will be okay.
If you've made it this far thank you so much! :)
--I hate bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. It's not fair and I don't like it anymore, but I don't know how to fix it either.
--I have the most amazing friends ever. They know that someting is wrong just by looking at me most of the time. They've played therapist wayyy more than they should have to lately and I feel really bad about that. I don't want to burden them with my craziness because I know that some people have it way worse than I do and it's not fair to them when my problems start taking a toll on them. I should be more grateful, and deep down I am.
--I miss my best friends. I didn't realize how lucky I was until they moved away (Kels, Jess, Kat, Shelly) and reality started to sink in. Sometimes I feel a bit left behind because normal people know how to move on with their lives (literally and figuratively) and be happy. And I...I'm still here.
--I wish I didn't become so attached to certain people and things because it's not fair to them and really not healthy.
--I want to be happy again. Really happy.
--School is really kicking my ass this semester. I mean I love learning and I love the social aspect, but sometimes things just get to be too much. I'm there and I think I've probably been there for a while now. Math is just plain difficult for me and I'm afraid that I'll have to drop the class if I didn't do well on this last test. I really don't want to do that. History and Psych are good :) My Environmental Science class is very interesting. The teacher is great and the lab is fun, but very challenging. I'm very thankful for my English class because it lets me be creative in my writing, yet it forces me to write.
--And then there's The Sentinel. First off, let me say that this paper is my daily dose of humor and sarcasm. I don't think I could live without it. I really don't Nils is a crazy old man, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've been very blessed to meet some great (egotistical and crazy) people that have changed my life, even when they move far away.
I'm sure there's more, but for now this will have to suffice, because I will rise above this. I will be okay.
If you've made it this far thank you so much! :)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
When Everything's Made To Be Broken
"When Everything's Made To Be Broken/I Just Want You To Know Who I Am"
How can one phrase hold so much meaning? So much emotion?
He's happy. He wants to marry her and grow old with her. She is all he's ever wanted and his dream has finally come true. He went to see her tonight and I know he had a great time. I just hope she isn't taking him for granted. My Beautiful Boy.
Where does this leave me? Back in the friend stage. He wants to be friends and so do I, but it kills me. I pretend everything is okay, for him. I want him to be happy.
It's just that...I still love him. I know I shouldn't but I do.
He doesn't love me anymore. Why can't I accept this?
So what happens now? What happens when everything's made to be broken?
How can one phrase hold so much meaning? So much emotion?
He's happy. He wants to marry her and grow old with her. She is all he's ever wanted and his dream has finally come true. He went to see her tonight and I know he had a great time. I just hope she isn't taking him for granted. My Beautiful Boy.
Where does this leave me? Back in the friend stage. He wants to be friends and so do I, but it kills me. I pretend everything is okay, for him. I want him to be happy.
It's just that...I still love him. I know I shouldn't but I do.
He doesn't love me anymore. Why can't I accept this?
So what happens now? What happens when everything's made to be broken?
Monday, September 8, 2008
A Sneak Peak: 100% Juice
*The following is my first column as the A&E editor. Let me know what you think, k?*
Music. Theatre. Television and Movies. Games. These are the things that make up American culture. Watching overrated celebrities live their drama-filled lives instead of going out and living our own is the American way. We’re constantly watching and waiting to see what brainless, dim-witted move the trashy Britney Spears, or the even trashier Amy Winehouse makes. We’re fascinated with Hollywood and the stars that call it home. We’ve forever been sucked into the ways of pop culture, and we’re loving every minute of it.
Twenty years ago, everyday people actually led real lives. They went to work and school. Ate dinner as a family and spent time together that wasn’t in front of the TV. Hollywood was just entertainment, the occasional indulgence, if you will. Today, Hollywood is so much more than entertainment. Hollywood is an escape from the pressures of real life. Hollywood is an excuse not to be the best we can. It has ruined the great America that once was. How? Like I said earlier, we spend more time following the lives of our favorite celebrities instead of going out and making a life of our own. Is there something wrong with that picture, or is it just me?
That being said, I’m your new A&E editor and I’m not all cynical and skeptical, because as much as I think that Hollywood is overrated it has irrevocably sucked me into its depths as well. The arts and entertainment industry isn’t all bad either, especially the local scene. To be honest, NIC students are really lucky to live where we do. If you aren’t familiar with the local arts scene it’s about time you wake up and take a good look around because our local fine arts scene is booming with tons of great musicians and artists that hold great shows at really great prices (can we say FREE!) fairly often. There’s rarely a day that goes by where something isn’t happening at NIC that’s entertainment or fine arts related, and it’s encouragement for students to get involved on campus and in the community. It’s proven that when people, especially young people get involved in their community they are more likely to be successful and lead happier, more fulfilled lives. So go out and find a local artist to support!
Seeing as if you’re reading this it’s likely that you’re a student or faculty member at NIC, so I want to know what you want to see in the Arts & Entertainment section of The Sentinel. What will make you read The Sentinel, and perhaps even enjoy it?
Music. Theatre. Television and Movies. Games. These are the things that make up American culture. Watching overrated celebrities live their drama-filled lives instead of going out and living our own is the American way. We’re constantly watching and waiting to see what brainless, dim-witted move the trashy Britney Spears, or the even trashier Amy Winehouse makes. We’re fascinated with Hollywood and the stars that call it home. We’ve forever been sucked into the ways of pop culture, and we’re loving every minute of it.
Twenty years ago, everyday people actually led real lives. They went to work and school. Ate dinner as a family and spent time together that wasn’t in front of the TV. Hollywood was just entertainment, the occasional indulgence, if you will. Today, Hollywood is so much more than entertainment. Hollywood is an escape from the pressures of real life. Hollywood is an excuse not to be the best we can. It has ruined the great America that once was. How? Like I said earlier, we spend more time following the lives of our favorite celebrities instead of going out and making a life of our own. Is there something wrong with that picture, or is it just me?
That being said, I’m your new A&E editor and I’m not all cynical and skeptical, because as much as I think that Hollywood is overrated it has irrevocably sucked me into its depths as well. The arts and entertainment industry isn’t all bad either, especially the local scene. To be honest, NIC students are really lucky to live where we do. If you aren’t familiar with the local arts scene it’s about time you wake up and take a good look around because our local fine arts scene is booming with tons of great musicians and artists that hold great shows at really great prices (can we say FREE!) fairly often. There’s rarely a day that goes by where something isn’t happening at NIC that’s entertainment or fine arts related, and it’s encouragement for students to get involved on campus and in the community. It’s proven that when people, especially young people get involved in their community they are more likely to be successful and lead happier, more fulfilled lives. So go out and find a local artist to support!
Seeing as if you’re reading this it’s likely that you’re a student or faculty member at NIC, so I want to know what you want to see in the Arts & Entertainment section of The Sentinel. What will make you read The Sentinel, and perhaps even enjoy it?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Bloody Hell
So much has happened this past week that I have to write it down because it's beginning to take its toll on me and on others that it shouldn't be. A fair warning though, this isn't going to be pretty. I have a lot of stress, frustration, and anger that's going to come out. So, if you don't want to hear about it, leave now.
First off, why is it that I become so attached to certain people and certain things? I know that nothing lasts forever, yet I can't seem to stop letting my feelings and those god damned emotions get the best of me. I've known for a while now that it wasn't meant to be, yet I still catch him in my dreams ad in my heart. I say that I'll be happy when and if he is, but damn it, it's just not happening that way. I've got to let go if i'm going to be happy again, but I don't thik i'm ready for that, as crazy as it sounds.
On to other things, I love school and my friends but this week was too much. I spent almost $500 on textbooks and I still don't have one that I need and one that my brother needs. I think its a bit ridiculous, to be honest. Do textbooks really need to cost that much?
I spent all week working Bookswap and while it has its benefits I miss my friends. I miss my crazy, wild friends who let me vent, cry, scream and cry some more in the middle of the night and don't say a word. They just listen. They don't judge. Those who listen. Those who make me laugh when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for a week. They've helped me through one of the hardest weeks of my life and they know who the are. The rest of you don't need to worry about it.
Basically, I've been a big ball of emotions all week and it really needs to stop. I don't like crying at the drop of a hat anymore. I need to be happy. I want to be happy. What I've said here is just touching the surface. There's a lot going on that goes much deeper, but I just needed to put some of this down in writing because I don't think I can handle holding it much longer.
First off, why is it that I become so attached to certain people and certain things? I know that nothing lasts forever, yet I can't seem to stop letting my feelings and those god damned emotions get the best of me. I've known for a while now that it wasn't meant to be, yet I still catch him in my dreams ad in my heart. I say that I'll be happy when and if he is, but damn it, it's just not happening that way. I've got to let go if i'm going to be happy again, but I don't thik i'm ready for that, as crazy as it sounds.
On to other things, I love school and my friends but this week was too much. I spent almost $500 on textbooks and I still don't have one that I need and one that my brother needs. I think its a bit ridiculous, to be honest. Do textbooks really need to cost that much?
I spent all week working Bookswap and while it has its benefits I miss my friends. I miss my crazy, wild friends who let me vent, cry, scream and cry some more in the middle of the night and don't say a word. They just listen. They don't judge. Those who listen. Those who make me laugh when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for a week. They've helped me through one of the hardest weeks of my life and they know who the are. The rest of you don't need to worry about it.
Basically, I've been a big ball of emotions all week and it really needs to stop. I don't like crying at the drop of a hat anymore. I need to be happy. I want to be happy. What I've said here is just touching the surface. There's a lot going on that goes much deeper, but I just needed to put some of this down in writing because I don't think I can handle holding it much longer.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Because
Because I have nothing to say but lots of thoughts.
Because I am a veryyy tired girl.
Because I can't decide if I need to laugh or cry.
Because I miss my friends, and the boy.
Because I'm in a funk, a cloud if you will, that I can't seem to break away from.
Because I need to run away for a little while.
Because I know thats not going to happen.
Because I love you.
***I'll be back in a day or two***
Because I am a veryyy tired girl.
Because I can't decide if I need to laugh or cry.
Because I miss my friends, and the boy.
Because I'm in a funk, a cloud if you will, that I can't seem to break away from.
Because I need to run away for a little while.
Because I know thats not going to happen.
Because I love you.
***I'll be back in a day or two***
Saturday, June 21, 2008
A Million Miles An Hour
The day is winding down and the rest of the family is watching The Bucket List and as much as I'd love to watch it with them I promised Ian we'd watch it together in the fall. So, I sit here behind the flourescent glare of my computer screen wondering.
Wondering what? O lots of things, I guess it's more like daydreaming. I haven't been been this content, this happy with life in a loooong time. Whether that's because of the long, harsh winter we've had or because of deeper, darker issues I haven't yet decided. I just know that I'm happy. Really, honest to God, truly happy. I'm sure the boyfriend has something to do with that, but in any case. I'm happy.
Speaking of Ian, I miss him. Really miss him. He's only two hours away, but even that short distance sucks. Whenever I dream, it's about a life we may or may not ever have together. It's about the future, the present, and the past. It's about how I can see myself growing old with him. God, I love this boy. Its only been a short time, but I love him, and I just hope he feels the same way.
School starts in eight weeks, it's still quite far away, but I can't stop thing about the classes I'll be taking and the responsibilities I'll have. I mean, I'll actually be held accountable for more than just my grades, which I seem to get lucky with semester after semester. But, I'm excited. Being an editor will give me so much more experience that will help me in the long run.
Okay, so I'm npt really sure where I'm going with all of this. I just know that I'm happy, even though my mind is still running a million miles an hour.
Have a good night!
Wondering what? O lots of things, I guess it's more like daydreaming. I haven't been been this content, this happy with life in a loooong time. Whether that's because of the long, harsh winter we've had or because of deeper, darker issues I haven't yet decided. I just know that I'm happy. Really, honest to God, truly happy. I'm sure the boyfriend has something to do with that, but in any case. I'm happy.
Speaking of Ian, I miss him. Really miss him. He's only two hours away, but even that short distance sucks. Whenever I dream, it's about a life we may or may not ever have together. It's about the future, the present, and the past. It's about how I can see myself growing old with him. God, I love this boy. Its only been a short time, but I love him, and I just hope he feels the same way.
School starts in eight weeks, it's still quite far away, but I can't stop thing about the classes I'll be taking and the responsibilities I'll have. I mean, I'll actually be held accountable for more than just my grades, which I seem to get lucky with semester after semester. But, I'm excited. Being an editor will give me so much more experience that will help me in the long run.
Okay, so I'm npt really sure where I'm going with all of this. I just know that I'm happy, even though my mind is still running a million miles an hour.
Have a good night!
100 Things, New and Improved
At the request of some friends I've decided to finally get of my lazy butt and update this thing. You know, since its been a good 7 or 8 months. I blame the fact that I'm a college kid, yeah, thats it. And also, I actually have a life now.
But anyway, I was looking through old blog posts, specifically the 100 things post and decided to do a new one because I've changed quite a bit. So, here goes nothing.
But anyway, I was looking through old blog posts, specifically the 100 things post and decided to do a new one because I've changed quite a bit. So, here goes nothing.
- My name is Ashley
- But I'm rarely called that because everybody seems to have a different nickname for me
- My family and friends mean the world to me
- I think I've found my prince charming
- I wear my heart on my sleeve
- I'm a girl of many addictions and obsessions
- Scrabble, Tea, Myspace, Pepsi, Photography
- Writing is so many things to me
- A passion, stress reliever, an escape, a way for people to better understand me
- The Sentinel, under the instruction of Nils Rosdahl is the most kickass student paper. It's been proven.
- It's going to be a great day.
- I have no idea where I want to transfer to
- I want to live in NYC
- I'm a budding photographer, but I would lovvvveee photoshop
- I could do without watching movies or television again...ever
- Music and books are a thousand times better
- I love the sunshine, it makes me happy
- I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Java on Sherman still makes the best coffee
- My cats are spoiled...very spoiled
- I listen to music 24/7, especially when alone
- I hate being alone
- I think too much, seriously
- I'm emotional and probably overly sensitive sometimes
- But I'm also hardheaded and determined
- I love books, they do many of the same things writing does for me
- I find people, and their stories, intriguing.
- I've grown up a lot this year, but still have a long way to go
- I makes mistakes, and I try to learn from them
- I miss being able to play The Sims 2
- I love my pajamas...and playing dress up
- I don't understand how people can be so ignorant and judgemental
- I flew on a plane for the very first time in March and absolutely loved it
- I will travel the world, and then come home and write my memoirs
- I've experienced more pain than most, but its made me stronger
- I will make history
- I believe in Karma, and I'm not sure what else
- Change scares me
- People love to hate
- All we need is love
- Love. Peace. Happyness.
- I love children, and their innocence
- I haven't experienced half of the stuff most teens have, and I'm okay with that
- Hollywood is overrated
- I'm itching for my independence
- I really can't stand the silence
- My hair needs dyed again
- I dye my hair too much
- I have anxiety, and probably depression issues
- I am learning to deal with it and beginning the slow process of healing
- I love texting
- I'm shy until you get to know me, and then I don't shut up
- I'm trying to be more outgoing from the get go
- I trust to easily, it more often than not gets me hurt
- Seeing other people happy makes me happy
- Money will destroy us, maybe before guns
- Obama 08'
- I'm excited for the future, but I try to live in the moment
- Dane Cook is a silly bitch
- Three wardrobe essentials for every woman: shoes, purses, jackets
- I'm most definitely a morning person
- I love naps
- My friends have opened my eyes and my heart
- I'm a first geneation college student
- College is wayyy better than high school could ever be
- I love Autumn, and everything that comes with it
- The snow and I have issues with each other
- I am becoming my own person
- We lose so much history every day and it makes me sad
- My life is organized chaos
- One person can make a difference
- But more people can make a bigger difference
- I wish I was artistic, my bother got the creativity genes
- I wish that I could understand him
- I can't stay mad long, even if I want to
- I make friends easily
- I really, really can't do math
- Everything happens for a reason
- Everyday is a new beginning
- I procrastinate with the best of them
- I'm the new Arts and Entertainment editor for The Sentinel
- Myspace is way better than Facebook
- I love names
- I hate drama, but miss theatre
- I'm a dreamer, and hopeless romantic
- I believe in the paranormal
- It goes deeper than ghosts and spirits
- I'm a pessismistic optimist
- The problem with life is that there is no background music
- I love the heat
- I'm not allergic to anything, but I wish I was allergic to needles
- I want a big family
- And to grow old with the love of my life
- I wish people would understand better
- The Beatles are way better than The Stones culd ever be
- I do way better expressing my feelings on paper than in person
- I know some incredible people
- Music affects my mood wayyy more than it probably should
- I need a new computer
- Coffee sounds amazing right about now
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