Sunday, November 11, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Starting Over
It's time to move on...to stop living in the past...there's this whole big future waiting for me...and a now, which I have ignored.
If three years ago--or a year ago for that matter--you had asked me where I would be today I would have told you that I would have had an apartment with friends, a car, and a boyfriend to top it off. I would be working at one of the local papers, hopefully the Spokesman, as an intern and life would be like that of any college sudent. Not perfect, but normal.
A year ago I thought I was on my way to at least achieving part of this dream. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.
Last year, at about this time, I was moving into the NIC dorms and although a little scared I was filled with excitement at the thought of living on my own, or at least with other people besides my family. Things went smoothly at first; I loved my classes (the newspaper especially), newfound freedom and friends, and my roommates weren't to bad themselves. Life couldn't get any better. At least I thought everything was going good.
Here's where my world falls apart!
I had barely been living in the dorms for two weeks when I realized that was all the time I would be spending there. As fate would have it, one of my roommates had a problem with my cleanliness and hygiene, or in this case, lack thereof. I am not a dirty person, and was ashamed to have even been thought of that way, but what can a girl do. Sometimes it's just harder for me to do certain things, so I accomplish those tasks differently. It never occured to me that those ways might not be the right ways to do things when living with three other girls.
In the end, the best solution for everybody was for me to move back home with my parents "to regroup" as one put it. I didn't handle any part of the situation well, but the others involved could have handled it better as well.
To say that I lost self-confidence is an understatement. I lost not only my self-confidence, but my independence and happiness. I have not been comfortable around or able to look certain people in the face for a year, even though they are here to help me, for fear that they would look me in the eye and see how weak I was; how terrified I was of having them see the real me.
Because, you see, I was wearing a mask. A mask that is now ready to come off.
I want my self-confidence back. I want my independence back. I want to be happy again. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm GOING to get my self-confidence and independence back. I'm GOING to be happy again.
I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned that you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for anybody or anything. It's not worth it.
If three years ago--or a year ago for that matter--you had asked me where I would be today I would have told you that I would have had an apartment with friends, a car, and a boyfriend to top it off. I would be working at one of the local papers, hopefully the Spokesman, as an intern and life would be like that of any college sudent. Not perfect, but normal.
A year ago I thought I was on my way to at least achieving part of this dream. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.
Last year, at about this time, I was moving into the NIC dorms and although a little scared I was filled with excitement at the thought of living on my own, or at least with other people besides my family. Things went smoothly at first; I loved my classes (the newspaper especially), newfound freedom and friends, and my roommates weren't to bad themselves. Life couldn't get any better. At least I thought everything was going good.
Here's where my world falls apart!
I had barely been living in the dorms for two weeks when I realized that was all the time I would be spending there. As fate would have it, one of my roommates had a problem with my cleanliness and hygiene, or in this case, lack thereof. I am not a dirty person, and was ashamed to have even been thought of that way, but what can a girl do. Sometimes it's just harder for me to do certain things, so I accomplish those tasks differently. It never occured to me that those ways might not be the right ways to do things when living with three other girls.
In the end, the best solution for everybody was for me to move back home with my parents "to regroup" as one put it. I didn't handle any part of the situation well, but the others involved could have handled it better as well.
To say that I lost self-confidence is an understatement. I lost not only my self-confidence, but my independence and happiness. I have not been comfortable around or able to look certain people in the face for a year, even though they are here to help me, for fear that they would look me in the eye and see how weak I was; how terrified I was of having them see the real me.
Because, you see, I was wearing a mask. A mask that is now ready to come off.
I want my self-confidence back. I want my independence back. I want to be happy again. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm GOING to get my self-confidence and independence back. I'm GOING to be happy again.
I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned that you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for anybody or anything. It's not worth it.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Heart
This little girl had a heart of gold...if you have heart pass this on so that no other child is cheated out of life. How could anybody let this happen?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg
Thursday, August 2, 2007
I'm Alive...So They Tell Me
What? Oh, you mean I'm actually supposed to update this thing occasionally. Well, if I would have known that :D
In all reality, Wireless Internet sucks! I'm this close to buying a wireless router for the computer
BUT...I'm too cheap. So all of my fans (the whole two of you) will have to put up with sporaic blog posting from yours truly.
That's all for now, don't cry, I'll be back soon!
(That is, if this damn connection cooperates. Maybe I'll bribe it with chocolate and coffee! It works with me!)
In all reality, Wireless Internet sucks! I'm this close to buying a wireless router for the computer
BUT...I'm too cheap. So all of my fans (the whole two of you) will have to put up with sporaic blog posting from yours truly.
That's all for now, don't cry, I'll be back soon!
(That is, if this damn connection cooperates. Maybe I'll bribe it with chocolate and coffee! It works with me!)
Monday, July 23, 2007
A Lil' Bit Of This And A Dash Of That
Long time no blog! We can thank my wireless Internet connection for the brief interruption of services!
Where to start!
We are now one of the billions of households with a Wii. That's right, the temptation to be just like everyone else led to my dad caving in and so my brother and he went down and got one. I don't think they have moved away from the television since. Not that they do much of that anyway.
Yesterday, was perfect! Why, you ask? Because I spent the day spending money that I shouldn't be spending with my mom!
TJ Maxx was our first stop, although I wasn't impressed! I've heard good things about them in the past! Target was next and I already love Target so of course I was excited! I did find some cute clothes, including an adorable pair of gouchos which I couldn't part with, but we decided to chexck out Fashion Bug first! After a pit stop at Starbucks for a Carmel Frappucino and a Carmel Macchiato we made it in there about ten minutes before closing and hit the jackpot! I got a skirt and two different shirts for less than thirty bucks! You can't beat that!
Today, I've been working on a birthday gift for a friend and enjoying the sunny weather!
In other news, there have been baby's galore since the New Year began. Here's a breakdown.
January-Sadie Alaina was born to my cousin Jesse and his girlfriend Dusty. She joins brothers Colin and Austin. The boys are Dusty's from a previous relationship.
March-Adyn Conner was born to my cousin Elizabeth and her fiance Eric. He joins brother Cedrick from my cousins previous relationship.
May-Addison Elizabeth was born to my cosin Dean and his fiance Michaela. She is the first child for both of them.
July-Kylee Nicole was born to my cousin Jenny and her boyfriend Eric. I believe Eric may have a child from his previous marriage.
And that's just family! I've had some friends have babies this year too.
Now quit being lazy and get off your butt and do something outside! It's gorgeous!
Where to start!
We are now one of the billions of households with a Wii. That's right, the temptation to be just like everyone else led to my dad caving in and so my brother and he went down and got one. I don't think they have moved away from the television since. Not that they do much of that anyway.
Yesterday, was perfect! Why, you ask? Because I spent the day spending money that I shouldn't be spending with my mom!
TJ Maxx was our first stop, although I wasn't impressed! I've heard good things about them in the past! Target was next and I already love Target so of course I was excited! I did find some cute clothes, including an adorable pair of gouchos which I couldn't part with, but we decided to chexck out Fashion Bug first! After a pit stop at Starbucks for a Carmel Frappucino and a Carmel Macchiato we made it in there about ten minutes before closing and hit the jackpot! I got a skirt and two different shirts for less than thirty bucks! You can't beat that!
Today, I've been working on a birthday gift for a friend and enjoying the sunny weather!
In other news, there have been baby's galore since the New Year began. Here's a breakdown.
January-Sadie Alaina was born to my cousin Jesse and his girlfriend Dusty. She joins brothers Colin and Austin. The boys are Dusty's from a previous relationship.
March-Adyn Conner was born to my cousin Elizabeth and her fiance Eric. He joins brother Cedrick from my cousins previous relationship.
May-Addison Elizabeth was born to my cosin Dean and his fiance Michaela. She is the first child for both of them.
July-Kylee Nicole was born to my cousin Jenny and her boyfriend Eric. I believe Eric may have a child from his previous marriage.
And that's just family! I've had some friends have babies this year too.
Now quit being lazy and get off your butt and do something outside! It's gorgeous!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Proud To Be An American
*Here is something to stir things up. My opinions are my own.
I’m proud to be an American and not ashamed to let everyone know. I’m one of the few who still feels this way, though. Most people are ashamed to call this glorious country home--and so they don’t; they refer to their heritage whenever possible.
Why is it one is ‘proud to be an American’ until they have to fight to stay an American? It wasn’t so long ago when the citizens of this country were proud to be from the ‘Grand ‘Ole USA.’ There was a time when red, white and blue flags adorned every home. Today, instead of the American flag being flown high in the sky, you see Rebel flags from a Confederacy that hasn’t existed in decades. Flag burning was unheard of, and now it’s as common as going to Starbucks for your morning cup of coffee.
The president was once a man who was shown the utmost respect, whether one liked him or not. Today, the president is a man most in this country love to hate. We believed in him when we elected him in 2000 and when we re-elected him in 2004, so why can’t we believe in him now. We need to trust President Bush and those other elected officials to do what they think is best for our country. You don’t have to like him, but you shouldn’t hate him either! It’s a tough job being President of the United States of America!
Yes, this nation is fighting a war--a war some believe we shouldn’t be fighting, but does that mean we can’t support those brave men and women who are fighting to protect the freedoms and rights American citizens take for granted? Freedoms and rights any person in almost any other country would cherish and value as if there life depended on it, and maybe it does.
We live in the United States of America because we are supposed to be united, not divided, in the effort to protect this land of ours. If we were to pull out of Iraq or any other country we may be in right now, it would only be a matter of time before we will be faced yet again with a tragedy like 9/11. We came together then, and we need to come together now so our troops can come home as soon and as safe as possible, but now is not the right time.
If we don’t fight to protect ourselves and our land now in other places where you and I feel little effect, we will have to fight to protect ourselves and our land later here at home and our lives will be completely changed forever. Which one would you choose?
I’m proud to be an American and not ashamed to let everyone know. I’m one of the few who still feels this way, though. Most people are ashamed to call this glorious country home--and so they don’t; they refer to their heritage whenever possible.
Why is it one is ‘proud to be an American’ until they have to fight to stay an American? It wasn’t so long ago when the citizens of this country were proud to be from the ‘Grand ‘Ole USA.’ There was a time when red, white and blue flags adorned every home. Today, instead of the American flag being flown high in the sky, you see Rebel flags from a Confederacy that hasn’t existed in decades. Flag burning was unheard of, and now it’s as common as going to Starbucks for your morning cup of coffee.
The president was once a man who was shown the utmost respect, whether one liked him or not. Today, the president is a man most in this country love to hate. We believed in him when we elected him in 2000 and when we re-elected him in 2004, so why can’t we believe in him now. We need to trust President Bush and those other elected officials to do what they think is best for our country. You don’t have to like him, but you shouldn’t hate him either! It’s a tough job being President of the United States of America!
Yes, this nation is fighting a war--a war some believe we shouldn’t be fighting, but does that mean we can’t support those brave men and women who are fighting to protect the freedoms and rights American citizens take for granted? Freedoms and rights any person in almost any other country would cherish and value as if there life depended on it, and maybe it does.
We live in the United States of America because we are supposed to be united, not divided, in the effort to protect this land of ours. If we were to pull out of Iraq or any other country we may be in right now, it would only be a matter of time before we will be faced yet again with a tragedy like 9/11. We came together then, and we need to come together now so our troops can come home as soon and as safe as possible, but now is not the right time.
If we don’t fight to protect ourselves and our land now in other places where you and I feel little effect, we will have to fight to protect ourselves and our land later here at home and our lives will be completely changed forever. Which one would you choose?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
My God, It's Barbie!
Alanna and I were stopped at the Tesoro on Lake Coeur d'Alene Drive for gas and sodas during our day on the town.
As she came out of the gas station another car pulled up and out came Barbie, or rather her human replica! She had the perfect tan skin, the long blonde hair and legs, and the big boobs. And we can't forget the perfectly coordinated outfit and accessories.
Its girls like her who give the rest of us self-esteem issues.
As Alanna came to my door to hand me the sodas before pumping the gas
Without a beat, she said
"My God, it's Barbie!"
As she came out of the gas station another car pulled up and out came Barbie, or rather her human replica! She had the perfect tan skin, the long blonde hair and legs, and the big boobs. And we can't forget the perfectly coordinated outfit and accessories.
Its girls like her who give the rest of us self-esteem issues.
As Alanna came to my door to hand me the sodas before pumping the gas
Without a beat, she said
"My God, it's Barbie!"
Monday, July 16, 2007
Wendy
It was a perfect Sunday. The sun was shining and we were headed off to IHOP for a breakfast that would make anybody happy. My parents only had to run one quick errand.
Tragedy strikes when you least expect it
My aunt calls and through muffled tears tells me "Wendy was shot!" I was told to have my mom call her as soon as she got home. A quick call to my parents who were at another aunts house and the next thing I knew my parents were walking through the door. My cousin and her baby arrived shortly after. It was decided that we would carpool. My aunts house is 2 hours away in Connell.
Wendy was a beautiful, loving person who had a full ife ahead of her. She was shot in the head by her boyfriend Jason. She was killed instantly.
After a day of many tears and much laughter my mom and I headed for home as my mom had to return to work the next day. We would be back though, how could we stay away!
This Sunday my family and I returned to Connell for more hugs, and prayer! Her funeral was Monday. The service was held in a beautiful Catholic church and it was amazing how many people came. More than a hundred easily.
My aunt, uncle, and cousins appreciated everything and I have hope that they will be alright. It will take time, but they will be alright.
Wendy leaves behind four younger brothers, her parents, and a whole bunch of extended family who loves her to death.
I love you Wendy Mae. Rest In Peace!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
100 Things
Here's my introduction! If there's anything else you would like to know or if you have any questions don't be afraid to leave me a comment! I don't bite, I promise!
- They call me Ashley
- My friends and family are my everything
- Music and books are the two greatest things in this world, and possibly beyond.
- Pepsi is my addiction
- Writing is my passion, and my stress reliever
- I'm one of those geeks who actually likes school
- I'm currently attending NIC and wouldn't change this for the world
- I'm a photo junkie and can't wait to get my digital camera
- There are approximately 975318642 billion candles in my house
- I don't know how to drive
- I don't watch movies or most television
- I have better ways to spend my time
- This heat wave is incredible
- Java on Sherman serves the best coffee
- My cats are spoiled...very spoiled
- I'm a packrat
- There are too many commercials on the radio
- I'm sensitive and emotional
- But I'm also incredibly stubborn and full of smiles
- I love playing scrabble
- And I'm getting quite good at it
- I love history
- Jolly Ranchers are the best thing ever
- I'm growing up
- And its scary, but I can't wait
- I need a better Internet connection
- The Sims 2 is an amazing game
- Allergies are no fun
- I love my pajamas
- I don't understand how people can judge without really knowing each other
- I will travel the world
- And come home to write my memoirs
- I've experienced more pain than most
- It's made me stronger
- I will make history
- I believe in Karma
- I'm not sure what else
- I believe people love to hate
- When instead we should love
- I'm all about Love Peace and Happiness
- I love children
- They live life like everybody should...happy
- I've never drank alcohol or smoked
- I plan to keep it that way
- What happened to the simple life?
- Celebrities are overrated
- I can't wait to be on my own
- I'm a 3rd generation Idahoan
- I was a Camp Fire girl
- I'm halfway there :D
- I can't stand silence
- My hair needs dyed (again)
- I dye my hair too much
- I love meeting new people
- I think too much
- I have anxiety problems
- I've never been to a concert
- My phone never leaves my side
- I'm going to NYC in the spring
- I'm shy until you get to know me
- And then you can't get me to shut up
- I trust too easily
- It gets me hurt, more often than not
- I love the simple things in life
- I have 58 cousins and second cousins
- Family get togethers are interesting
- Second chances are okay
- Third and fourth chances are not
- I'm told that I have a good sense of humor
- I'm still waiting for my prince charming
- Seeing other people happy makes me happy
- Communication is key
- Cold Stone has the best ice cream
- If in the wrong hands, money can destroy us
- Maybe before guns
- I can't wait to see what the future holds
- Dane Cook is the best comedian
- A girl can never have too many shoes
- Or purses
- The people that I've met in the last year have given me a new perspective on life
- I'm a first generation college student
- I never went to prom
- I sponsor a little girl from Guatemala
- I love the smell of pumpkin
- The snow is a huge problem with me
- I am my own person
- American history is being lost everyday
- My room is organized chaos
- One person can make a difference
- I have mosquito bites everywhere
- I wish I was artistic
- My brother got the creativity genes
- I can't stay mad for long
- There's no fun in that
- I try to learn from my mistakes
- I make friends easily
- I don't apply myself enough
- Everything happens for a reason
- Everyday is a chance to start over
- I love life and all the curveballs it can throw at me
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